RUN!
by Cypher7
Summary: Fueled by champagne, Ana agreed to *try* becoming his sub, and quickly discovered just how bad things could get.
1. Chapter 1

RUN!

/* A/N: My apologies to the readers of my other stories. This bit of fluff started as an attempt to re-inspire my muse so I could continue them, and it's taken on a life of its own. Don't know if I'll continue it or not (please – no coercion). Just thought you might enjoy. –C7 */

**All rights and ownership of the original FSOG characters remain with EL James. I'm merely toying with them in my own virtual playground.**

-AS-

The half-house rental Kate and I shared through 4 years of college is dark, just a lonely shaft of moonlight sneaking in my window. I am alone, huddled under my blanket, tears still seeping down my cheeks. Thank God Kate is out with her folks celebrating graduation; they'd planned on drinking and were staying the night at the Heathman.

At the thought, my heart squeezed and more tears gushed. The Heathman… _him._ The man who twisted my world inside out. The man who wanted me, but not to love. No, he doesn't _do_ love. He wants me as his "whipping toy". A fuck-buddy. A slave. My thoughts replayed the evening as if in self-flagellation.

_He'd come over earlier to talk about that damned contract again. He was so nice, brought a bottle of the most delicious champagne. Or maybe it was the teacups that made it taste so good. We talked and then he gives me that ridiculously expensive car! Then orders me to just be grateful for his gift; his far-too-much over-the-top gift that felt so much like a payment for sex. Yes, I felt like a hooker, felt like he was trying to buy my sexual favors. _

_Back in the house, I tried again to express my feelings about accepting the car. He just seemed to get angrier, then cut me off, telling me he'd discussed it with Ray who'd agreed it would be much safer for me, end-of-discussion. How dare he involve Ray in this! _

_And then in pure frustration, I'd rolled my eyes at him._

_His eyes glittered with demonic glee and his voice dropped low and lethal. "Miss Steele, do you recall what I said I would do the next time you rolled your eyes at me?" I'd frozen, terrified, not even blinking as I stared at him with my heart in my throat. _

_He stood swiftly, took me by the wrist into the bedroom. The only light was the small lamp with the frilly shade sitting on the nightstand, about to have a ring-side seat. His movements quick and sure like ballet, he sat on the bed, yanked down my sweats, and had me across his lap, my right wrist secured tight behind my back, his forearm pressing me into the mattress. _

"_You will get eight strikes for not graciously accepting my gift, and ten strikes for rolling your eyes at me," he'd decreed. My heart hammered in my throat as I trembled in fear. "You don't have to count this time." _

_Count? Before the thought even fully registered, his hand came down and YOWZA it HURT! I yelped, tried to squirm but he pushed my arm down hard, keeping me trapped. "SILENCE!" he roared. Another hit. I grimaced, eyes mashed tight, teeth bared against the horrific pain. Three more and I was biting my lip to keep quiet, tasting blood and tears, trying to get purchase to get away. He was too strong! _

_Pain and panic shot into the stratosphere. My backside felt like hot lava was being poured on it. I couldn't stop the sobs, the dry whisper of screams muffled into the blanket. The world ceased to exist and there was only the consuming pain. The last several strikes came even faster and my body bowed, my free hand clawing at the bed, trying for grip, desperate to get away. Then it finally stopped._

_He tried to pull me upright, but it felt like an opening, and the crazed animal I'd become took advantage. Feet on the ground, I grabbed the waistband of the sweats as I shoved hard at his chest and bolted, scrambling for the bathroom and locking myself in. I pushed my back to the door, still sobbing, then collapsed to the floor on my knees, huddled and beaten and hurting._

_Bam. Bam. Bam._

"_Ana, open the door," he commanded imperiously. As if! He rapped again._

"_I'm ordering you to open this door. I mean it, Ana."_

"_Go away," I managed to croak, my throat clogged with tears._

_Tears streamed down my face from the blistering fire in my ass and the escalating panic that he might find a way to get through the door, get his hands on me again. I huddled like a whipped dog, bracing against the door in faint hope it might keep him away. Holding my breath for a moment, I listened and heard him muttering and pacing just a few feet away._

"_Ana, as your Dom I command you to open this door immediately. If you do not obey, the very next time I get my hands on you, no matter where we are, I will immediately turn you over my knee and tan your hide so bad you won't be able to sit down for a month. NOW OPEN THE DAMNED DOOR!" he roared._

"_NO! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, out of my mind with pain and terror, choking on my tears._

"_So be it, Ana. Just remember, I'm a Dom who keeps his word," he snarled._

_Heart pounding, I could barely make out the sounds of his footfalls heading for the living room and the front door opening then shutting. I slumped further, wailing from the pain, the fear, the threat. _

I snapped out of the horrible memory, trembling. How could someone _LIKE_ doing that, hurting someone so bad? Just for rolling my eyes and trying to tell him I was uncomfortable with his gift? He wanted honesty and then I get punished for it? My heart felt like it was getting squished in a vise.

Unbidden, the horror-movie memory picked up where it had paused.

_Fully a half hour later, I'd finally cried myself out. Weary beyond imagining, I forced myself to my feet, staggered over to the sink, splashed some cool water on my face. My eyelids were so puffy I could barely see, my face an ugly blotchy red, hair a frazzled mess. _

_I looked hideous. Another tear slipped out, surprising me that I had any left to shed. I dashed it away angrily, turned to the door, saw my reflection in the mirror hung on the back of it. Call it morbid curiosity – I had to see how bad my ass looked given that it still felt radioactive. I clicked on the overhead light, twisted my head to look over my shoulder as I slid down my sweatpants. I was shocked! No wonder I hurt so bad! Vicious red mixed with splotches of blue and purple – deep bruising already starting. _

_Pulling the waistband back into place, I shut off the light and finally cracked open the door. I peered around cautiously, fearful he was still here even though I'd heard his footsteps go out the front door, heard the sound of a car door opening and closing, a vehicle pulling out of the drive. I let go a deep breath in relief – I was alone. _

_A quick sprint to the front door had me locking it and throwing the deadbolt. Next stop, the kitchen. Thankfully there was still a tray of ice cubes in the otherwise empty freezer. I grabbed a plastic grocery bag, dumped in the cubes, wrapped a kitchen towel around it, and took my ice pack back to bed with me. After half an hour of 'on for five minutes, off for two' my backside felt a little better. I got up, dumped the ice in the kitchen sink, threw out the bag, and draped the slightly soggy towel over the handle of the oven door. Just to be on the safe side, I downed a couple of ibuprofen, clicked off the lights and went to bed._

So here I lay, wicked sore, confused, miserable and heart-sick, my thoughts still whirling. Oh I had wanted him, craved him in a way I'd never felt before. The way he'd made my body sing when he'd made love to me (well, in his words "remedied my condition") was extraordinary. So besotted, I'd finally agreed tonight to try being his sub. I had no freaking idea it was going to be like _this!_

An avalanche of pure terror slid its icy way down my spine in blinding realization: if he could willingly hurt me this bad with just his hand, how much worse would it be with all those paddles and whips and shit in his playroom? He had nearly a foot in height on me, must outweigh me by a good 60-70 pounds, and he's all muscle. What chance does a rabbit have against a lion?

I suddenly couldn't catch my breath, the fear taking over. No! I can't do this. I won't be abused, not by Husband Number Three and certainly not by Christian. Under that gorgeous exterior he's pure evil. My heart wrenched at the thought of letting him go, but there was no way in hell I'd ever let him do that to me again. I can't be what he wants. Doesn't matter if I have feelings for him, survival is paramount.

Rolling over, I hissed at the pain that radiated. It made something click in my brain, my anger began to fire. _Bruising my ass for rolling my eyes at him? Oh, HELL no!_

Anger was good. It was welcomed. It overrode the fear and came up with a plan.

-CG-

He stood at the bathroom door, his heart shredding listening to her sobs. It took every bit of his considerable training to rein in these strange feelings and project his Dom persona.

"So be it, Ana. Just remember, I'm a Dom who keeps his word," he said gravely.

Elena would be so proud of him for his control. He didn't go off the deep end and beat on the door, bleating for her to forgive him, although something inside his chest wanted to do exactly that. She was confusing him, confounding him, overturning his carefully ordered world. Now she was denying him his obligation to provide for her aftercare.

He forced himself to turn away from the door and leave, didn't understand the intense pull he felt trying to draw him back. He told himself couldn't stay: he was far too angry and confused and she was far too upset right now. Oh but how he longed to stay, to beg her to come out, to hold her in his arms and give comfort. NO! Elena's words rang in his head: "You are a DOM, Christian Grey. You do NOT have feelings. You are NOT indecisive. This is NOT the way I taught you!" He'd never felt so torn. What in the hell was this girl _doing_ to him?

His thoughts tumbled as he walked out, shut the front door loudly so she'd be certain to hear it, headed for his car. He thought back over the evening, trying to understand where it had all gone wrong. He'd warned her several times about that eye-rolling, told her exactly what he'd do about it, and yet she did it again, obviously pushing him. Was she testing him to see if he'd do what he said? Why would she doubt him? But then it almost seemed like she didn't want the spanking. He'd had subs squirm and scream before, but not as if they were desperately trying to get away from him. Perhaps it was simply because it was her first time? Unease draped over him like a wet blanket. What made no sense at all was this twisting ache in his chest, as if in spanking her he was hurting himself.

Bewildered, he got in his car and drove back to the Heathman. He had an early breakfast meeting on campus, then had to take Charlie Tango back to Seattle for an overseas conference call in the afternoon, followed by several meetings that had already been rescheduled to allow him two days in Portland. This business about Ana would just have to wait until she moved to Seattle. That would give them both several days to calm down, give him time to maybe call Elena and get his head back on straight, figure out what he needed to do next.

-AS-

I glanced at the alarm clock, noticed it wasn't too late. I sat up to grab my phone, grimacing again at the pain, a potent reminder to do what I needed to in order to survive. I pushed speed-dial 3, heard it ring twice.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom."

"Ana? It's nearly midnight here. Is everything okay?"

"Not exactly. Um, I'm sorry to call so late, but…"

"Nonsense. I'm here for you, honey. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there for your graduation because of Bob and his broken leg."

"I know, Mom. And I really don't know how to explain it, but I just have this feeling that going to Seattle really isn't the right thing for me."

"Oh? But you were so sure."

"I know. But, well, you know how you've gotten feelings about things…" I knew I was playing on her supposed intuition, but this was the only way to explain my sudden decision. No way could she ever know the truth.

"Do I ever! You had such a feeling?"

"Every time I think about moving to Seattle I just get this weird feeling, like something is telling me I'm making a huge mistake. Is that how your intuition feels?"

"Yes! Exactly that way."

"Mom, I know you mentioned that Bob could get me a job through one of his golfing buddies from the country club. Um, is that offer still open?"

"I'm sure it is. They're all businessmen with their own companies. One of them is bound to have some kind of job opening. So does this mean you're coming to Georgia?" she asked, excited.

"If you'll have me. Just until I can get my feet under me, then I'll find an apartment."

"Honey, I'd love to have you here. We've got three guest bedrooms so you can take your pick."

"Thanks Mom. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

I rang off, satisfied that my escape plan was set in motion.

Too wound up, and sore, to sleep, I got up and began packing up the rest of my stuff, leaving one small duffle open for the remaining toiletries and towel I'd use in the morning, plus my clothes for the trip. I stripped the bed, packed the linens, disassembled the frame. Thank goodness twin beds didn't weigh much. The nightstand lamp and clock got packed too – I'd use the watch Carla had given me from my bio-dad.

I emptied the last few items from my closet in a rush, keeping out a fresh pair of jeans and a white blouse to wear in the morning, a couple changes of clothes for the road. It took about an hour to get everything squared away, but it helped burn off some of the panic. I'd even washed the tea cups and repacked them for Kate.

A stab of pain went through me as I thought of her. If this went down as I hoped, we'd end up on opposite sides of the country. My best friend, closest confidant for the last four years, and suddenly I was breaking our plans and running, all because of that... that _sadist!_ The thought worked like emotional alchemy, turning the last of my fear and panic into anger. Anger was good. Anger would keep me focused, keep me moving.

I gingerly sat down in front of my laptop – _his_ laptop, yet another gift he'd shoved down my throat. I booted up, surprised that there was an email from him. No! I didn't care what he had to say. Focus, Ana! I opened a browser, searched for truck rental places.

Luck was with me – I found one that happened to be right next door to a used car lot. Using their online app, I arranged to rent a small truck for pickup in the morning. Looked like they had several in their current inventory. A one-way ride to Georgia.

Next, I skipped over to the Kelly Blue Book site, checked out how much that Audi was worth. My jaw dropped – base price was 30K! I rooted around, fairly certain that car had options, and decided best guess was that it was worth around 36K. I searched for used, current year cars, found they were going for anywhere between 28K and 35K. I had my bargaining point. With that settled, I closed the laptop, still intentionally ignoring his email, and set about the hardest task: writing a short letter to Kate, telling her I'd explain things later.

I grabbed 5 hours of sleep on the sofa, before a quick shower and change of clothes. I used a little mascara to brighten my still slightly puffy eyes, threw my hair into a tight twist secured with a large clasp, grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I snarled seeing that red Audi, but I needed it to get me where I had to go.

Checking the glovebox, I was happy to see the title, registration and insurance papers, all in my name. Since he was so adamant it was a gift, then I was free to do whatever the hell I wanted with it. I clicked my seatbelt, started it up, and took off down the road.

Okay, I'll admit it, it drove a lot nicer than Wanda. But red? Ugh! Ray had always warned me off red cars, called them "cop magnets" saying that cops tended to focus on red cars more than any other color. Well, hopefully that wouldn't be a problem for me beyond today.

First stop, MickeyD's drive-thru for breakfast and juice. Then, on to the bank. I arrived as they opened, and was able to quickly close out my account, a whole $1,031.22. Next stop, the rental company.

That took about half an hour. I looked over the trucks they had, talked to the bored sales-guy about how much stuff I had to move, finally settled on the 10' truck. I filled out the paperwork, gave him my credit card. He gave me copies of my receipt and the rental agreement, along with the keys. I mentioned I'd pick up the truck in a little bit, as I had to see the guy next door about selling my car. The sales guy looked surprised.

"You're selling that Audi? But, it looks brand new!"

"It is. Gift from an ex that I need to get rid of."

"How many miles are on it?"

"Uh, around fifty I think?" A chill swept over me at the number and it's association.

"How much you want for it?"

"What are you offering?"

"Hang on just a minute."

He went to a different computer, brought up a search engine, obviously looking to see what they were worth. I excused myself to make a quick trip to the ladies room. When I returned, he was just finishing up.

"That's the A3 sedan, right?"

"Yeah, lots of options on it. Would you like to see it?"

He nodded. We walked out of the small office, and I unlocked the car. He looked all over the interior, had me pop the trunk and the hood as well. I started it up for him so he could listen to the engine. He looked over the paperwork to verify it.

"You weren't kidding! It really is brand new."

"And I'd like to see it go to a good home. It's just… too many memories tied up with it for me to keep it." I tried giving him the puppy-dog eyes that Kate swore always got her what she wanted.

"Would you take 25K?"

"How about 30?"

We dickered a bit, came to a consensus on $28,500.

"There's just one problem – I'm heading out in just a little bit and I need the money now."

"Would you take a check for it?"

"Only if it's a bank check. But I'd prefer cash."

"Okay. How about this? You bring the title and I'll let us out and lock the gate. My bank is right across the street. I can get the money for you and we'll get your signature on the title notarized at the same time."

Twenty minutes later, I waved bye-bye to that red Audi, and pulled out of the lot in the rental truck, a bag of money stashed under the seat. Got home, and started loading up. With each box I was thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't the packrat and clothes-horse that was Kate.

An hour later, I closed the back door of the truck and used my combo lock to secure it. Back inside our apartment, I felt the melancholy creeping in as I looked around for the last time. We'd had some really good times here. I grabbed a few paper towels, wet them in the sink, wiped the sweat off my face and arms. Sipping on a bottle of water from the fridge, I moved the laptop and blackberry to the kitchen table, still debating whether I should read his email or not.

I had my hand on the lid, about to open it, when I came to my senses. There was no point in reading it. My plan was in motion. There was nothing he could say at this point to change my mind; I had to protect myself. Instead, I taped the letter to Kate on top of the lid, apologizing for running out on her like this. In my note, I asked for forgiveness, also asked that she return the laptop and phone to Elliot to give to _him_. I tried to explain my sudden decision using the same explanation I'd given my mom, told her I'd call her when I got my new phone, asked her to call José and let him know. Didn't think I could risk telling her the truth, as she might have Elliot with her when she returned. I hoped it would be enough. Then, a quick bathroom break, and I was on the road. Just 2,900 miles to go.

Took me three long days to get from Portland to Savannah, with overnight stops in Salt Lake City and Oklahoma City. In Utah, when I'd fueled up at a truck stop and had dinner, I bought a new cell phone. That evening, once I'd found a small motel room and settled in, I called Ray and let him know about my change of plans, and my new number.

Needless to say he was stunned. I apologized profusely, knowing I'd be putting so much distance between us, but he seemed to understand, counseled me to follow my feelings, and reminded me that nothing was set in stone: if things didn't work out in Georgia, I could always come back. I told him too that Christian and I broke up, asked that if he heard from Christian he wouldn't tell him anything. Ray was quiet for a long few seconds before asking if Christian had hurt me. I denied it, only saying that he was too intense and I needed space. Ray agreed without prodding further. That was another weight off my shoulders.

I was hot, sticky, sore and utterly wiped out by the time I pulled in mom's driveway that evening. My rental truck of course stood out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood of groomed lawns and classic southern manse. Carla surprised me, coming out to meet me at the truck.

"Mom," I gratefully whispered.

"Sweetheart! You made it!" She hugged me like a boa constrictor. "I'm so happy you're finally here."

"Me too. That was a very, _very, _long trip. But everything was good. No trouble at all."

"I'm so happy to hear that. You look beat. C'mon in. I saved you a plate of dinner."

_Hah, if you only knew!_

Carla fussed around me for a bit, getting my dinner nuked, pouring me a tall glass of iced sweet tea. Bob hobbled in on his crutches.

"Ana! You made it."

"Hi Bob. Yes, finally. Long trip."

"Coast to coast _is _a long trip."

"So how'd you get those crutches?" I never did get the story behind their aborted trip to Portland for my graduation.

"Golfing," he said, deadpan.

Was he serious? I chuckled, and my overtired brain said the first thing that came to mind.

"I thought the little ball was supposed to go in the hole, not your foot. Or was it a gopher hole?"

He laughed, shook his head as he took a seat across from me.

"Good one. Actually it's worse. I got run over by a golf cart."

"What?" I was chagrined. How was that even possible?

"I was on the seventh green, teeing up, concentrating so hard on my shot that I wasn't paying a lick of attention to what was going on around me. One of the other members of the club was drunk out of his mind, weaving his cart all over creation but heading right at us, waving a 9 iron and yelling something about squirrels. My foursome claimed they yelled to me, but I honestly didn't hear them. He plowed into me, ran me over, then kept going right into the water hazard."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yes, it was a day for the books, Ana," mom interjected, setting a warm plate of chicken stew and cornbread in front of me. "The groundskeeper threw a fit about having an ambulance on the greens. Then the police showed up and had to wrestle the guy to the ground as he kept swinging the club at them, cussing out the squirrels."

"I wonder what the squirrels ever did to him?" I puzzled, tucking into my dinner.

"We may never know," Bob replied. "The assault charges are still pending, and the club is filing their own charges against him for the damage he caused. The club captains called an emergency meeting of the membership and voted his sorry ass out. So, thankfully that's the last of him."

"Wow. I thought Savannah was supposed to be this sleepy little southern town."

"We have our moments," he chuckled.

"So, how long do you have to wear the cast?"

"Another 3 weeks. Wish it was less, the darned thing's starting to itch."

All in all, not a bad reception I thought, as I pushed myself to unload the truck – the contents of my life so far – into the covered back porch. I was surprised when Mom even began helping with some of the lighter items, until she heard Bob yelling for her, something about his pain meds. It took under an hour, and a quick call to the local rental company confirmed they would still be open for another 20 minutes. I got mom to follow me there, and I turned the truck back in, hurriedly remembering to grab the bag under the seat and stuff it into my oversized purse. Back at the house, I grabbed a shower, stuffed the money bag behind the access panel to the en suite plumbing, then hit the sack, finally feeling safe enough to let my guard down.

-CG-

I wiped the fear-sweat from my brow, courtesy of my latest nightmare, got out of bed and headed straight for the bar. Needed the bourbon to numb my jangling nerves, numb this creeping empty void in my chest. I downed a double shot, poured another, took it with me to the desk where I opened my laptop. Sighing, I frowned: Ana still hadn't opened my email. She hadn't responded to any of my voicemails either, her protracted radio silence worrying me.

It's been two days since I last saw her, and the twisting in my guts has only worsened, along with the nightmares. Instead of talking to Elena, figuring she'd be unhelpful and merely tell me to forget Ana, I opted earlier for a long session with Flynn.

It took nearly the full two hour session to pour out my heart and misery; a flood of uncensored verbal diarrhea that utterly shocked him. Once he'd recovered, he told me some things that I'm still not sure I believe, and yet, I have no other way to explain. He said that we don't choose who we fall in love with; that when we hurt the one we love we hurt ourselves; recommended that I _not_ continue thinking of Ana as a sub; suggested it was time that I broke out of the narrow strictures of the BDSM lifestyle and opened myself to new experiences. Cagey Brit that he is, he hinted that for me to experience life on the normal side of the street would help me to understand - and possibly better manipulate – those on the other side of the conference table.

I asked what he thought I should do next, and of course he came back at me with that SFBT shit again, telling me that I should give it an honest try this time. Didn't see as I had a better plan, so I reluctantly agreed and he helped me set my goals: talk to Ana and offer to be her boyfriend and not her Dom (although I wasn't sure I could just give that all up – it's been part of my life for so long); apologize for spanking her so harshly (it had slipped my mind she wasn't an experienced sub and couldn't handle that much pain); and finally, try to do some 'normal' things like take her out on dates. Together we decided that the dates could take place at different venues in Seattle, give her a chance to get to know the city, as she and Kate were moving here tomorrow. He suggested I help them move, but I nixed that, told him I was already obligated to pick Mia up at the airport. So, he advised I bring her flowers when I go to see her new place.

Yeah, hearts and flowers. I shook my head, chagrined to find myself right back at square one. This Dom doesn't do hearts and flowers, and yet it looks like precisely the opposite of what I am and what I do is the formula I'll need to follow to get what I want.

Late the next day, after getting a text from Elliot saying he's back in Seattle and giving me their new address, I picked up the bunch of white roses I'd had waiting on the breakfast bar and headed out. Taylor met me at the elevator. I'd originally considered leaving him behind, but then thought perhaps he could be a bit of a buffer if Ana proved stubborn. I hoped stubborn was all I had to deal with. Their new place was just a few minutes away.

Taylor pulled up in front of one of the newer condo buildings, very modern and fashionable, and right next door to Pike Place Market, but I had him circle around back and park. Sure enough, I saw Elliot's truck. I glanced around but didn't see the red Audi, then considered perhaps it was in the parking garage. I grabbed the flowers, telling Taylor to wait here. Wasn't sure what I was walking in to, so best to keep him close at hand. Getting in, I signed in at the desk, headed up in the elevator, all the while considering how I could get Taylor to analyze the building's security, make sure it was adequate.

Seventh floor. Apartment 701. Deep breath. _Don't blow this, Grey. No anger, no threats, no spanking. Just be happy to see her._ I hit the buzzer and waited. A deadbolt shot back, the door opened, and there stood Kate with her jaw on the floor.

"Hi Kate. Um, is Ana around?" I took a tentative step inside.

She blinked once, then morphed into an enraged beast.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! What the hell are you doing here?!" she screamed.

I recoiled, and blinked, dumbfounded. Looking past her I saw Elliot getting up from the sofa, coming up behind Kate and wrapping his arms around her waist. Protecting her, or protecting me?

"Bro, come in and sit down. We have to talk."

Experience taught me that was _never_ the prelude to anything good. I swallowed hard as he literally pulled Kate back to the sofa, and sat her down. I sat in the chair opposite them, my stomach in freefall.

"What's going on? Where's Ana?"

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?!" Kate yelled again.

"Shush, Kate. Chris, I don't know how to tell you this." He ran his hand through his hair, blew out a sigh. "Ana's not here."

"WHAT?"

Over the next several minutes, Elliot related how Ana had apparently disappeared, taking her stuff with her. He hadn't found out until he'd showed up in Portland, ready to help move their stuff. Kate made to get up, but he tugged her back. She shook her head at him, whispered something, then he let her go. She headed over to the small kitchen, returned and handed me Ana's laptop and blackberry, rejoined Elliot but stared daggers at me.

"When I got home the day after graduation," Kate snarled, "she was already gone. All her stuff was just... gone. She left me a note, said she wouldn't be moving with me to Seattle and that she'd be in touch. She also asked me to give you those. What the hell did you do to her, Grey?" Kate's tears began flowing down her cheeks, her voice getting hysterical. "What did you do to make her run? We were supposed to move in here together, start our lives. Why did you have to hurt her?"

Kate succumbed to the sobs and Elliot pulled her close, holding her. I looked down at the laptop, saw a small folded note taped to it. With a trembling finger, I flicked it open. "You can't give me what I want, and I can't give you what you need. Goodbye. Ana" My eyelids mashed closed, contorted in lancing pain. This couldn't be happening.

"No," I choked out, "no. She can't be gone. I need her." I tossed the electronics on the coffee table, scrubbed my hands over my face trying to contain my tears. I must have dropped the bouquet on the floor – I don't even remember. Next thing I knew, Elliot had his hand on my shoulder. I looked up, noticed Kate was no longer in the room. He nudged me to my feet, and I followed him through the slider and out onto the little balcony. He reached back, closed the slider behind us, rounded on me.

"Chris, what the fuck happened? What did you do to her? Kate's been on a nonstop crying jag, and I'm pretty pissed too. Ana was a good kid. What happened with you two?"

"I… I, uh…" Shit! I can't tell him. He'd want to know why I spanked her so hard, hurt her, and that was a conversation I was not about to have with him or anyone else. I ran my hands through my hair, exasperated.

"Dammit, little bro. Enough with the lies and hedging. I'm not letting you off this balcony until you tell me."

Elliot stood in front of the door handle, shoulders back, arms laced across his muscular chest. I almost laughed seeing him in a Dom stance. Aw, fuck!

"Promise me you won't tell Kate."

"I can't make any promises until you tell me what the fuck you did to screw up the best thing that ever happened to you."

Fuck! I didn't have a choice. Maybe a dab of the truth would be enough.

"Alright. Fine. If you have to know, I spanked her."

Elliot looked totally flummoxed. Obviously what I said was nothing he'd expected to hear.

"Spanked… her?"

"She has the nasty habit of rolling her eyes at me, so I told her the next time she did it, I'd spank her. She did, and I did. Although I might have taken it a bit too far."

"Spanked… her."

"Then she locked herself in the bathroom and yelled at me to leave. I couldn't convince her to come out, so eventually I did leave. It was late, I had an early breakfast meeting on campus, then I had to fly back to take care of some other stuff."

"Did you even talk to her after that?"

"No. I figured she was upset with me, and I was angry, thought we could both do with some time to cool off. I sent her an email that night, which she apparently never read. I've sent her a lot of texts, tried calling a couple of times, but I can see now that was pointless if she didn't take her phone."

Elliot raked hands through his hair, his shoulders slumped, looking pained.

"Dammit to hell, Christian. Ana wasn't one of your damned subs. What the hell's the matter with you?" he hissed.

I froze, shocked. He glanced at me, sighed.

"Yeah, I know all about your so-called _lifestyle_, brother. I've known for years."

"How?"

"Look, we need to talk, and not here. Kate's going to get snoopy pretty soon. Let's go back to your place."

All I could do was nod, stunned that he knew my secrets, my depravity.

Back at Escala, we settled on the sofa in front of the fireplace, glasses of bourbon in hand, the bottle sat in front of us. Elliot took a hearty swig, then opened the chat.

"Y'know, it never set right with me that when you turned 15, you magically turned back into Dr. Jekyll. No more fighting, no more sneaking Dad's liquor, your grades came up. But you also began closing off from us even more than before. I suspected it had something to do with that witch Elena. You were spending too much time over there, and every time you came home you practically locked yourself in your room.

"I figured, okay, 15 and horny, drooling all over her body while you worked over there, you needed some privacy to take the edge off. But something just didn't feel right about it. Chris, Elena had made a play for me a couple of years earlier when I'd turned 15, and I'd brushed her off, threatened to tell mom and dad if she ever tried it again. She backed off and left me alone. I began to wonder if she'd gone after you, so one day I followed you over to her house. I peeked in the windows, saw some of what she did to you. I threw up in the bushes, tried to keep quiet so she didn't hear me."

I hung my head, gutted that he knew.

"Afters, I went home, did a lot of thinking about it. Then the next day, you seemed so, well, almost happy. It confused the hell out of me knowing what she'd done to you. So I finally figured that it was your secret, that it apparently made you happy and kept you civil, so I kept my mouth shut. Then a few years later, I met up with a friend of mine at the private club downstairs from Crypt."

My head shot up, staring at him, shocked.

"He was into the scene, not me. He offered to let me have a look at his world. We were at the far end of the bar when I saw you follow Elena in and head for the private rooms. I asked my buddy for a favor since he knew the owner, and watched you on the CCTV from the security suite. It twisted my guts, seeing her do all that shit to you, and you letting her. After you two left, my buddy pulled me back to the bar, told me he knew all about Elena, what a vicious Domme she was, how she supplied submissives for Doms who could afford her services."

What could I say? It was all true. I wanted it, felt I needed that pain to keep me on the straight and narrow, wanted the sex without fear of being touched on my chest or back. I watched Elliot down his drink, pour another.

"Again, I kept my mouth shut. Actually, I was afraid to say anything at that point. I knew if I did, you'd hate me, and mom and dad would be royally pissed that I'd waited to say anything, plus on top of it I'd have had to reveal why I had been there. I was so pissed that I ended up punching the Mustang."

"I thought you said that damage happened in a parking lot?"

"It did. From my fist. I was so mad, Chris. Mostly mad at myself and just sick that she'd gotten her claws into you, sick that I'd failed as your big brother to protect you."

He fell quiet, just staring at the flames for a time. I'd never known any of this.

"It was a year or two after you bought this place that I found out you were still into that shit. One of the guys I interviewed for a new construction crew I was putting together for the rehab of the Athletic Club, he mentioned he'd done some work for you. I asked him about it, but he said he really couldn't say anything as he'd signed your NDA. That got me to wondering why you'd hire someone besides me.

"So I gave him the job, and a few weeks later took him out drinking one night, kept the alcohol flowing. Got him thoroughly smashed, and he finally told me about this secret red room you had built. Damned if the next day I didn't see you and Elena together in your car. That weekend you skipped out on Sunday dinner in Bellevue, and I began to put two and two together. You usually worked all week, ferocious hours, so playtime had to be on the weekends. After dinner I drove past Elena's place, saw her through the front window so I knew she wasn't with you. I thought about dropping in at your place for a visit, but I didn't have the nerve.

"Couple weeks after that, I started seeing Bethany, met her roommate Lisa. It was strange, every Friday Lisa'd disappear, and return sometime Sunday. Couple weeks later I invited Bethany to mom and dad's for Sunday dinner, and I'd never seen you so friggin' nervous. Near the end of the following week, I used the same trick, got Bethany drunk, and she admitted that her roomie was in some kind of alternative-lifestyle-dating arrangement. That Friday, I stayed in my car outside her place, saw Lisa come out of the garage in that little red Audi, and tailed her as she turned into the Escala parking garage. Figured you'd have security cams, so I drove down the street and hired a rental car, came back. Sure enough, when I cruised the parking garage, there was that red Audi parked in one of the reserved spaces for the penthouse."

He sighed, sipped, stared again at the flames. Night had closed in, the only other light in the room came from the two hanging pods above the breakfast bar. It gave the great room a feeling of desolation, perfectly matching how I felt. All my careful planning, all the secret-keeping, for nothing. Well, not entirely nothing.

"So, you never said anything to mom or dad?" I risked.

"Hell no. I should have when I first found out, but after that, I just… let it be. I figured if you wanted my help, you'd ask."

I was stunned again to notice the reflection on his face, the firelight hitting the tear tracks down his cheeks.

"Mom told me you'd been abused, Chris, told me before they brought you home. For the life of me, I just can't understand how you'd want more of that crap."

"Wait, if you knew all along, then why all the gay jokes all those years?"

"Trying to hide that I knew, trying to keep your secrets from mom and dad. I figured if they thought you were gay, they wouldn't press you to get a girlfriend, get you riled up. You know how mom is. She's never made it a secret that she wants grandchildren someday."

Shit, even knowing my crap, he was still trying to look out for me.

"I always thought…," my throat closed for a moment. "Always thought that if you or mom or dad ever found out my secrets, you'd be so disgusted you'd never want anything more to do with me."

"Fuck, Chris! We're family! You never turn your back on family no matter what. Wait a minute – is that what that witch told you?"

Was it? I thought back to our earliest days. She'd always been so careful, telling me how it was our little secret and no one else would understand, how she wanted to help me, keep me in control.

"I don't know for sure. She stressed we had to keep things under wraps, but honestly I don't know if she planted the idea in my head, or whether it came from my self-loathing."

"And that's another thing, Chris. I just don't get it. Young, handsome, successful billionaire, smart, good family. Why do you hate yourself so much?"

God, I've never told anyone this except for Flynn.

"My mother was a crack whore back in Detroit, had a pimp with a nasty temper. The fucker beat me constantly, burned me with his damned cigarettes and she was too strung out to even care, never lifted a hand to stop him. If my own birth mother didn't care enough to save me, it followed that I wasn't worth saving. I'm nothing, Elliot. A pretty face over a rotten core."

"_BULLSHIT!_" he roared. "She was _sick_, Christian. She didn't have it together enough to save herself, let alone a toddler. And her pimp was even more fucked up than she was if he could hurt a child. You were innocent in all of this. Born to the wrong person, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Shit happens, it doesn't automatically mean that you're shit. That's faulty logic. Three-year-old logic. You should have left that behind long ago. Instead you think you're nothing and let that witch abuse you? For what?"

"For control! I was going crazy when I hit my teens, Elliot. I was so damned mad all the time. I fought just to feel human touch. And the relentless taunting at school; shit, even my classmates thought I was gay. Gay Grey. I avoided the girls, couldn't risk them touching me, so the rumors kept going. I stole dad's scotch to help me numb the pain, try to get some sleep because my nightmares just kept getting worse. Every damned night her pimp was burning me, again and again and again. I was losing my mind. Elena offered to show me how to gain control of myself, put a lid on the anger. The carrot she dangled was sex. The incentive was pain avoidance."

"But, you saw shrinks for years."

"Assholes, every last one of them. Each one with some new technique or therapy, trying to get me to open up. I remember telling the first one, Dr. Hendricks, what was really going on with me, after maybe a dozen appointments. I was about 8 or 9 I think. She just looked at me like I was some kind of monster, then she ended the session abruptly. Next thing I knew, I was sitting in the waiting room, listening to her tell dad that I needed to see a specialist, that I was so badly damaged she felt she couldn't help me. It just reinforced my self-loathing, and I never told another shrink anything."

"Wait, what about this guy you mention now and then, Flynn. Does he help?"

"Yes. I've opened up to him, but it's been a long road getting there."

"Does he know about…"

"Yes, he knows about all of it. Kind of surprised him a bit too when I first told him, but his reaction was positive – he just said he wasn't highly knowledgeable about the lifestyle but that he would remedy that and be better prepared to discuss it with me. As a matter of fact, when I talked to him yesterday about what happened with Ana, he's the one who suggested I was in love with her, that I should bring her flowers."

"Speaking of, were you trying to make Ana into one of your subs?"

"I'm… ashamed to say yes. I was extremely attracted to her, like no one ever before, and I pursued her, got her to sign my NDA, told her what I was into, showed her the red room and a copy of my contract."

"Contract?"

"It's a sexual contract between a dominant and a submissive. What they will and won't do, likes and dislikes. It also contained a copy of my rules and expectations for my subs."

"Bet that went over like a lead balloon with Ana."

"She was shocked. Told me she had to think about it, that she had no experience with anything like this. And then she sat there in my office, and tells me she's a virgin."

Now Elliot's eyes get big.

"Oh fuuuuuck."

"Yeah. That's just how I felt. Here I am trying to coax her into my lifestyle, and I'm realizing she probably doesn't even understand half the words in the contract! I should have sent her home right then. I had Charlie Tango on standby with my backup pilot, told her she could leave any time. But dammit Elliot, there was just something about her. I felt this tingle every time we touched. I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life."

It was my turn to drain my glass and pour another.

"You'll laugh at this, El. Me being the biggest ass that ever walked this planet, I told her that she needed some experience to know what she was getting into, that we should 'rectify her situation'."

I thought he'd be rolling on the floor braying like a donkey, but instead he just looked at me with this sad little smile.

"Yeah, I know. As I said, biggest ass on the planet. Damned thing was, she went along with it. I took her to my bedroom and took her virginity. And the next morning, thanks to your damned meddling, Mom found her here."

"So, why the hell did you spank her?"

"Because I still couldn't give up the idea of having her as my sub. Tried to entice her with my bank account and the things I could buy her, bought her dinner, tried to seduce her into giving it a try. Finally, the evening of her graduation, Kate was out and I went over and talked with her, brought a bottle of champagne with me. I'd discovered that the tipsier she got, the more openly she spoke. I needed to know what she was thinking in order to know how to convince her to agree to the contract. It was CEO 101 – discover the truth of what the person wants and doesn't want so you know how to negotiate. So finally she tells me she'll try. Never did sign the contract, but it didn't matter as I was out of my mind happy.

"Then I brought her outside to show her the graduation present I'd gotten her, an Audi A3. I'd talked to her dad, and he agreed with me that her Beetle was well past its expiration date. Then she gives me grief about spending so much on a car for her. I was floored. Every sub I'd ever had would have been gushing her thanks. Not Ana. So we argued about it, went back in the house, and I finally tell her that as my sub, she should simply be grateful for my gifts and no arguments. Mind you, I'd warned her a few times already about rolling her eyes at me, told her I would spank her if she did it again, and then she did. I reminded her of what I told her I would do. She got really nervous, but let me take her into the bedroom. I tossed her over my lap, told her she would get eight strikes for being less than grateful for the car, and ten for rolling her eyes."

"Seriously? Jeez, Chris. What the fuck? Her being nervous should have given you a fucking clue."

"That's just it, El. In the scene, subs are allowed to be nervous. It seemed normal to me."

"Now don't get me wrong, I know that some ladies are really turned on by a spanking, and I've given a few in my day. But they have to tell me that's what they want. You don't threaten a girl with one, at least not from the get-go."

"In the lifestyle, if you're a Dom you do, unless it's specifically listed under their hard limits. Then you can't."

"But if she didn't sign a contract, then how in the hell would you know what the fuck her limits were?"

"Elliot, if an experienced sub had done the same thing, I'd have shackled her to the cross and brought out my whip."

"WHAT?!"

"I figured spanking her with my hand on her bare ass was tame by comparison. Obviously I was wrong."

Elliot just buried his head in his hands and groaned. Then he went for a third glassful.

"You might be all kinds of genius, little bro, but as far as the ladies go, you are the biggest, most clueless asshole ever."

"I know. 20/20 hindsight."

"And another thing, even if she tells you she wants something like that, and you do it for her, you start with intensity so light it wouldn't hurt a butterfly's wing. Then you slowly increase it as she clues you in."

"And that's wonderful for someone who has regular relationships. It's NOT how things work in BDSM."

"Maybe not, but you still went way overboard considering she was such a novice. You should have known better and taken it slow. Is that why she ran?"

"Probably. Partly." My own guilt was chewing at me.

"C'mon, spill it. I know there's more."

I sighed, told him how she ran and locked herself in the bathroom, how I ordered her to come out then finally threatened her with another spanking.

"She screamed at me to leave, sobbing behind the door. I finally realized I was too angry and she was too upset, figured we could both do with a break, so I left. Didn't hear from her even though I sent her texts, emails, even called her."

Elliot just sat there, shaking his head no-no-no.

"Chris, did it ever occur to you that she was terrified of you at that point, afraid you were going to do something else to hurt her? No wonder she wouldn't unlock the door."

"What? Why would she be afraid of me? I'd punished her as I told her I would. It was over with, and as a good Dom I was supposed to provide aftercare. She refused to let me do that for her, and it just kept winding me up."

"And how was she to know you wouldn't hurt her further? You told me she wasn't knowledgeable about the lifestyle. How was she to know?"

"But… but she had safewords, El! She could have used them at any time to stop me and she didn't. Doesn't that mean she wanted it?"

"You ASS! She's in pain, her boyfriend's beating on her ass, she doesn't understand the lifestyle and you expect her to remember some stupid safeword? And then you threaten to do it again?! Fuck! No wonder she ran. She's probably scared out of her mind."

Oh fuck! What have I done? The words she'd left me ring clear: "You can't give me what I want and I can't be what you need." It broke me. I couldn't stop the sob, the tears.

"Aw, hell, Chris."

Elliot slid over, wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I've fucked it up, El," I choked out, "Managed to screw up the best thing that ever happened to me, all because she rolled her eyes at me, because she tried being honest with me by telling me she felt I'd spent too much on her."

"Chris, Chris, Chris. You may have fucked it up, but I'm blaming Elena. She's the one who fucked with your head, taught you all this shit. You never did manage to have a normal girlfriend, did you."

"No. Too afraid the girls would touch me, then Elena happened, then I had submissives. I never had the time, nor the desire, to have a girlfriend. Elena always drilled into me that love was for fools."

"That damned bitch. Tell me, do you think mom and dad are fools?"

I snorted tears, dragged a hand across my face.

"No, they're not. But I felt so damaged…"

"And that witch capitalized on how you felt, reinforced it, twisted you all around to her way of thinking so she could control you. Then you set her up with those salons after Linc kicked her sorry ass out the door, so she was tied to you. And then she provided your little playmates. Don't you get it? She's still controlling you! Wake up and smell the ammonia, brother."

Still controlling me? Was she? She did seem annoyed when I told her I didn't think I'd need any more submissives. I figured it was just her being pissed that she wouldn't get any more finders fees from me. Wait! Is that it? She was controlling me, using me, for my money? I sat up with a jolt.

"Hey! You alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Not a ghost, El. The truth. You made me finally see the truth."

"Yeah? What truth?"

He sounded skeptical – I couldn't blame him.

"That Elena _was_ controlling me so that she could use me, tap into my money stream. She's nothing but a gold digger. Pulled the wool over my eyes and I totally bought into her crap. Fuck, El, just shoot me now."

"Nope. Can't do it. You and me, bro, we got a little brunette to go find and get your mess straightened out."

I pulled back, looked at him as if he'd turned into a Martian. He just grinned at me.

"Luv doctor in the house, little bro. If I can't help you fix this, it ain't fixable."

"That's what worries me."

"Chin up. Take it from me, Chris. If you do it the right way, the ladies are forgiving. Just one little detail."

"What's that?"

"No more of this Dom shit with Ana. Either you can be a Dom or you can have Ana. I don't think you can have both. So make your choice."

It felt like I'd just be steamrollered. Give it up? Give _all_ of it up? Could I do that? Flynn thought I could. El's telling me I have to. Was it even possible?

"It's all I know," I whined.

"Which is precisely why I'm here, to show you the right way to court a lady. If you're sincere about giving up the lifestyle in order to get Ana back, I'll help you. If you're not, then don't waste my time or Ana's."

"I need her back, El. She makes my world make sense."

"Do you need her enough to let go of everything that witch taught you?"

"I guess I'll have to."

"Hmm. No. Not there yet."

"Alright, alright. Yes, I'll give up the lifestyle to get Ana back."

"Much better."

"But I don't even know where she is."

"Not a problem. She said she'd contact Kate when she got a new phone."

"How do you know that?"

"Those two are inseparable. Aaaaand I might have read the note that Ana left for Kate."

God, I hated it when he looked so damned smug.

"So, we start making plans for Operation Get Ana Back, and just wait for her to call my little Katie-kat. Once she does, I'll wait until Kate's asleep and check her phone history. That'll give us Ana's number and I'm sure your whiz-bang tech nerds can use it to figure out where she is. Simple."

"And then what?"

"And then we put the plans in place that we'll make tomorrow. For right now, I'm toast, so I'm gonna go crash in one of your guest rooms. Nice chat, bro. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

He stood, threw back the last of his drink, thumped me on the shoulder and wobbled off.

-AS-

Next morning dawned clear and sunny, with a sultry warmth that promised a typical hot southern day. My watch said 7:30, and I scrambled out of bed, got a quick shower, dressed, and headed downstairs. Mom and Bob were in the kitchen. We said our 'good mornings' and I got myself a cup of tea, joined them at the table.

"So, what's on your agenda for today, honey?" mom asked.

"I thought I'd start by getting my boxes off the porch and up to the bedroom."

"Good idea. It's heading into the high 80's today, so you might want to do that while it's still comfortable out."

"Thanks, Bob. I will. Um, one other thing I need to mention." That got their attention. "I broke up with my boyfriend shortly before I left. If Christian calls, please tell him you haven't heard from me, okay?"

"Oh honey! Is that the reason for your change of plans, moving here instead of Seattle?"

"No, mom," I lied. "It just seemed that every time I even thought about Seattle I got this feeling, like racing down the hill on a roller coaster. Once I made the decision to come here, that feeling went away."

"Sure sounds like you got your intuition from me. Well, I hope it works out for the best for you. Don't worry, we'll keep mum about you being here. Oh, Bob offered to take us to dinner at the club tonight. Maybe we can introduce you to some of the other members, do a little networking and maybe get you a job."

"That would be awesome. Thank you!"

A while later I had the boxes hauled up to my bedroom; my twin bed and frame, plus some of the miscellaneous stuff, tucked into a corner of the basement. I sat on the bed, looked at the phone while arguing with myself whether or not to call Kate. I wanted to call, talk to her, tell her what happened and why, but fear stopped me: Christian had traced my phone and found me at the bar that time. What's to stop Mr. More-money-than-brains from doing it again and tracing me here?

I swallowed hard, his threat again swirling in my mind. No. I couldn't risk it. I'm sure she'll be pissed as hell at me, but I can't take the chance of him finding me. My heart is still too raw. I need it to heal up, I need to get established here. Then when he does find me – as I have no doubt he will – I can be strong enough to tell him to get lost and leave me alone, even threaten him with a restraining order if he doesn't take the hint.

One week later, my world is again settling in to a new groove. That Sunday evening Bob took us to the club for dinner, where he introduced me to a couple of his golfing buddies. We joined them in the bar after our meal, and over drinks I found myself having a rather impromptu interview with them. Harry Banefield was the head honcho at Banefield Engineering; fifty-ish, tall and thin, with sharp eyes that seemed to look right through me. Eric McConnell was the CFO of the largest realty-development group in the state. Eric reminded me of a teddy bear – round and jovial, easygoing, though there was a spark in his eyes that belied the affable exterior.

I must have had the right answers to their questions, as the next day I got TWO calls, both offering a job. Wow! I had to go in to their offices and interview with their HR people, but that seemed a mere formality. Those appointments ate up Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm spending Thursday with mom, shopping for a work-appropriate wardrobe, and considering the offers.

Banefield offered me a position as office manager. They were in the process of opening a second office and the current office manager was relocating. They needed someone smart and versatile, able to handle scheduling, travel arrangements, some PR work, and payroll, along with a laundry list of other stuff. Working there would give me a broad base of experience in a bunch of different areas. Arc Development, Eric's company, handled residential and commercial real estate development across the US, and was in need of someone to fill out the team in charge of advertising and sales support. Their offer was $5k less to start, but a guaranteed raise in 6 months if I did well. Plus, my grammar and composition skills would be immensely useful. Also, there seemed to be more growth potential.

"Ana? Earth to Ana," mom chided, holding up a soft beige blouse.

"Hm? What?"

"I asked what you thought of this one. Twice."

"Oh, it looks perfect, like one of those goes-with-anything pieces."

"That's what I thought too. Okay, I'll add it to the stack for trying on. So, still thinking about those job offers?"

"Yeah. Do I go for more money to start but essentially for a locked-in position, or opt for a little less to start with more room for growth and more potential? Honestly, I never expected to get _two_ job offers! Thought I'd be lucky to get just one."

"Well, my two cents, for what it's worth, is to disregard the salary and focus on whether what you'd be doing is what you want to do, or if it's taking you in the direction you want to go."

"When did you get so smart, mom?" I was genuinely surprised getting such sage advice from her.

"Time has a way of teaching us things, I suppose. It's taught me that I have a wonderful daughter, and a lucky opportunity to get to know the lovely woman she's become. And, maybe it gives me a chance to make up for being less than the mom you deserved growing up."

I am stunned stupid at her words. She gives me a sad smile.

"It took a lot of years, and a lot of heartache, for Time to teach me that walking away from Ray was the worst mistake I ever made. Don't get me wrong, I love Bob, but Ray was a special kind of love. I was just too young and stupid to realize it, always thinking there was something better just beyond the horizon. And I'm sorry you ever had to put up with Husband Number Three. I'm hoping that helping you launch your career will make up for that in some small way."

I just grabbed her in the biggest hug I could manage. It felt like a crucial piece in my life finally shifted into its proper position. Maybe things did happen for a reason.

Now, here I was on another sultry Monday morning, getting a ride and a pep-talk from Mom, enroute to my first day of work at Arc. It was about a 20 minute commute; made me realize that I'd soon have to get my own transportation. The day was a blur of meeting people, getting situated, going thru a new employee orientation, filling out paperwork, and sitting in on my first meeting. It was exhilarating!

-CG-

It's Monday morning, and I'm sitting at the breakfast bar, my egg-white omelet in front of me. Mrs. Jones has left the kitchen, Elliot took off a bit ago, and I'm gutstruck at how much of a rut my life's become. Thoughts of that sassy little brunette still go through my mind, right along with Elliot's reasoning about how she must have felt and why she ran. I am _such_ a complete fuckup. I should let her go, quit thinking about her. I've hurt and scared her. Threatened her. I know I'm trying to draw her into my darkness, and she's resisting for all she's worth. I'm no good for her. This will only end badly. _So why in the hell can't I stop thinking about her?_

Elliot promised to meet me at the Mile High club for dinner tonight, told me we need to start making plans to get her back into my life. How that's even possible I haven't the faintest clue. In my world, once a sub said she wanted out, that was it. Contract terminated, access to me and my world terminated, and I never gave another thought to her. _So when Ana ran, why can't I forget her? Why does my chest feel like it's caving in now that I realize I've hurt her and scared her? Is this why Elena always told me love was for fools? Because it ended up hurting so bad? Was this love?_ That last thought freezes my blood. Would I be feeling this bad if it wasn't?

My stomach plummets at the realization. Love. Something I never thought I could achieve, feel, accept and appreciate. Then just when that most elusive desire defies all logic and grazes my fingertips, I grab it, crush it, drop-kick it and watch it scurry away. Now she has a small inkling of the monster that I am, and obviously wants no part of it. No matter how hopeful Elliot is about changing her mind; I'm not _'feeling it'_, as he'd say.

My thoughts jump back to being the terrified toddler, knowing her pimp would come back. Is this what Ana feels? If so, it makes one thing crystal clear: if I want her back in my life, I _must_ change. Elliot was right – I can be a Dom, or I can have Ana. Well, _maybe_ have her. Perhaps that should be step one of my plan – change myself in order to have something worthwhile to offer her, a person she might be interested in.

Grabbing my cell, I put a quick call in to Elliot, tell him my thoughts about step one.

"I'm proud of you, little bro. You really were listening to me. Now I suggest you talk to that shrink of yours and do something about dismantling your Dom."

Ah, Elliot – if only it were that easy.

I left work mid-afternoon for a 2 hour session with Flynn, knowing this change would require some serious work. He didn't disappoint. He helped me set goals: find other ways to moderate my anger and get back the feeling of control; ask don't order; and the biggest, get Ana back. Walking out of there I practically needed Taylor to help me to the car, I was trashed, emotionally and physically spent. But I now had goals, had a plan for achieving them, and I _never_ back down from a challenge.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks everyone, for your reviews and "non-coercive coersion". ;-) I'm still trying to figure out how Fifty should make contact and try to get her back. Suggestions are welcome.

* * *

-CG-

I'm tired. It's after midnight and I just can't force myself to concentrate anymore. Closing my laptop, I ease back in my ergonomic chair, again shooting fingers through my hair. Yesterday I'd met with Elliot, had dinner at the club, and we began scoping out a plan to win back Ana. I've got a "pre-contact with Ana" and a "post-contact" list of things to take care of. Sure hope Elliot knows what he's talking about. Maybe I should run this stuff by Flynn to make sure.

I looked over the two print-outs, sighed.

Pre-Contact:

1. Eliminate the playroom.

2. Sever all relationships and contact with Elena

3. View a couple of movies deemed "romantic-comedy" or "chick flick"

4. Fix the relationship with Kate

5. Role-play various dating scenarios with Elliot

Each item sounded so simple, yet there would be a ton of work involved. For the hundredth time, I wondered if I was truly able to give up being a Dom, give up my playroom. It felt like such an essential part of me. What if I couldn't get Ana back no matter what I did – would I regret dismantling that room?

What if I came at this another way? Assuming Ana is willing to give me another chance, what if I restrict access to that room – give Taylor the only keys to it with the instruction that he's not to give them to me, only give them to Ana if she asks for them. Would that be enough to pacify her, or do I need to make a show of good faith by eliminating it entirely? Definitely have to bounce that one off Flynn. Maybe Elliot as well.

I've already begun cutting my ties to Elena. No matter which way Project Get Ana Back goes, I need to remove Elena from my life. El was right – she's still controlling me, keeping her hand in my pocket. That's gotta stop. My legal team should have the paperwork on the salons ready for me tomorrow; I'll gift them to Elena – it's the quickest way for me to be quit of them. As for finding me subs, well, there won't be a need for that any longer. I will not fail: Ana _will_ be mine.

When Elliot had mentioned item 3 for the list, watching rom-coms, I thought he'd lost his mind. He explained that Kate had suggested it as way to be exposed to what relationships could include. Not sure how much of an accurate idea I'll get, given that this is Hollywood's idea of romance, but I suppose it won't hurt. Hmm, maybe I can force Kate and Elliot to watch them with me, keep them available to answer questions or explain things. Yeah, El, if I have to watch this stuff, you can suffer right along with me.

Plus, watching movies together might go some way toward smoothing things over with Kate. I don't want her venom filling Ana's head, impeding my efforts to get Ana back.

I'm still scratching my head over that role-play thing with Elliot. Wouldn't it have made more sense to try that with Kate (providing she didn't slice off my balls) or possibly even Mia? Does Elliot think I'm going to take him on a "man-date" somewhere? I realize I need some idea of how to managing this dating thing with Ana, but I don't understand what El thinks he's going to do in a role-play. Guess I'm going to find out.

The Post-Contact list is very dependent on whether or not Ana is willing to give me another chance.

Post-Contact:

1. Apologize (repeatedly!)

2. Offer to be her boyfriend, not her Dom

3. Set up a date

I suggested putting a fourth item on the list: move Ana to Seattle. El told me point blank that I had a whole lot of work to do before that could happen, that I was jumping the gun and forcing her again. I see nothing wrong with thinking ahead, though, especially if it involves nailing down the 'where' in Seattle she'd move. Would she move into the condo with Kate, as they'd originally planned, or is their relationship strained to the point where that wouldn't happen? Could I just move her in with me? Man, I'd love that! The possibility of again being nightmare-free would make it worth it.

I just wish she'd hurry up and contact Kate. I _need_ to know where she is. Thought about calling Ray, and even Carla, to see if they've heard from her, but I don't want to stir up any more trouble than I've already caused. Plus, if they don't realize she's not in Seattle, they'll just be all over my case about it.

Oh, Ana, where in the hell are you?

-AS-

Wednesday morning, and I am on my way into work in my new – well, new to me - Subaru Crosstrek, thanks to another one of Bob's connections. I was able to get a very favorable used-car loan payment on it, and that was after the price came down to nearly half of what was listed on the sticker. I opted for one that was a Desert Khaki color, and I love how understated it is. I saw a red one on their lot, and rejected it immediately. Nope! No more "cop-magnets" for this girl!

On top of that, I am _rocking_ this new job! It's fantastic! I'm part of nice, tight-knit team, and they seem very happy to take me under their wing and show me the ropes. I even attended my first project meeting yesterday and managed to even make a suggestion that they liked and decided to go with! Yay me!

I thought I wanted a job publishing books so I could read stories and help improve them, but now I'm seeing a whole different side to publishing, one I hadn't given much thought to. And I like it. Curiously, the more I focus on my satisfaction with my job, the less angst I feel about… _him_. Everything is fast-paced, leaving me little time for thoughts of what might have been. My bruises have turned from purple to pale, and the soreness is gone – life is definitely getting better.

The week flew by in a whirlwind of meetings, collaborations, brainstorming, proofreading, and partnering up with Jax and Kelly – the two most recent hires before me – to learn the ins and outs of how things worked in the department. At week's end, I tagged along with the team over to Champs, a nearby sports bar, for a quick one to celebrate.

"So Ana, you've survived a whole week. Think you might stay for another?" Jax teased.

"Oh, heck yeah! I love this job! Originally I thought I wanted to get into publishing, you know, editing and working directly with the authors. I had no idea that creatives and advert could be so much fun," I replied.

"Oh, it's all fun and games until the pressure hits," Kelly cautioned.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that, sometimes the schedule goes out the window and it's crunch time for everyone. All hands on deck, so to speak."

"Well, what causes that to happen?"

"Nature of the business. Say Arc suddenly manages to acquire a shopping strip. As the deal goes through, the bigwigs are already making plans for refurb and putting together a timeline for the work. Meanwhile, we jump in with both feet to start getting the advert materials ready. Have to have everything ready to go so that the sales team can start selling the retail space, and of course, the ideal is to have all the spaces sold by the time refurb completes so move-in can commence. That rarely happens, but the pressure on us can get pretty intense sometimes. So, fair warning," Jax explained.

"What does that mean for our team when something like that happens?" I'm feeling a little uneasy about this; it's the first time anyone's mentioned it.

"Long days, taking work home, working weekends if need be. If someone in the group is light on work, they often pitch in to help those of us who are drowning. We've got a good team Ana, and I'm hoping that once you've learned how we do what we do, that some of those stress projects will smooth out."

"Wow, I hope so. I'll try my best to help any way I can."

"That's all we can ask for. Hey, how about a refill? My treat." Kelly offered.

"Um, thanks but no thanks. It's been a long week for me, and I need to get going. See you Monday?"

"Yeah, see you Monday."

Grabbing my purse, I headed out the door. While I felt it was prudent to drive home sober, I also wanted to get out of there before attracting any more attention. Sipping the last of my one glass of beer, I'd noticed a couple of guys in the corner eyeing us. No thanks, fellas. I'm still too gunshy to dip a toe back in the dating pool. I quickwalked out of there, keys at the ready to open my car, thankful that Kate's lessons about being aware of my surroundings were proving so useful.

Kate. It hurt all over again to think about her, wondering how to make contact without either of the brothers Grey finding out. I was no fool – if he could stalk and track me to a Portland bar using only his damned cellphone, my being across the country would hardly pose a problem. No, for now it would be much better to hold off. A shiver shook me, remembering his threat. Perhaps it was time to look into some personal protection of my own.

It was a small matter on Saturday to find a gun store that sold personal protection items. After a little trip there, and a very interesting chat with the owner, I procured both a tazer gun, and a small can of pepper spray. If that sadist ever tried to make good on his promise, I'd drop him to the ground.

The affable clerk rang up my purchase, bagged the items.

"Not that it's any of my business, miss, but by the look of things it seems like you've got boyfriend problems," Dan, the store owner commented.

"Um, I uh, really don't want to talk about it."

"That's okay. I understand. You don't have to tell me anything. I just mentioned it because I thought you might be interested in this."

He slid a paper across the glass countertop to me.

"What's this?" I asked, scanning it.

"My brother, the chief of police, sponsors these free DateSafe seminars. They cover all kinds of things like how to meet someone, and where, and stay safe while doing it, how to recognize the signs that often lead to abuse, how to be aware of your surroundings, even how to defend yourself. There's one later this afternoon. If you're interested. No pressure."

The flyer had a friendly tone to the words, making it sound as much like a social thing as seminar. There were a number of dates listed; looked like the seminars were held roughly every two weeks.

"I'm kinda new here. I don't know where the rec center is."

"Just the next block over, go down the street make a right, make the next right. You can't miss it, they've got signs everywhere. It's just… I mean, I don't mean to be forward, but honestly I see a lot of ladies in here, buying what you just bought. Most of 'em have this haunted look in their eyes, and it just hurts to see it. I don't see that in your eyes, and I hope I never do. Thought the seminars might be of some help."

"Well, couldn't hurt to see what they're all about, I guess. Thanks."

Sitting in the car in the parking lot, I decided to call Kelly.

"Hey Ana, miss me already?" she chirped.

"Of course! Well, actually, I was thinking of going to this DateSafe seminar…"

"The one at the rec center? Cool! I'm already signed up for it. I'll meet you there."

"Great! Thanks. I was hoping you'd be willing to go. Still finding my way around and all that."

"Not a prob. Hey, I gotta run. See you tonight."

I called the RSVP number on the flyer, talked to a friendly woman named Callie who took my name and got me signed up.

Going to the seminar turned out to be not only fun but worthwhile. I met up with Kelly, met a few ladies my own age, but saw women ranging from high schoolers to grandmothers in attendance. The program had gone on for an hour – an amazingly fast hour – and at the end I felt even more empowered by my decision to not move to Seattle. Tonight's topic was 'Recognizing The Signs of Controlling Behavior' and what you could do about it. Getting out of the situation was the recommended option, and I gave myself a mental pat on the back for taking the right corrective action.

It was stunning to hear some of the stories the others shared, to see just how bad situations could get. It had me wondering, speculating if _he'd_ have gotten that bad had I stayed. A chill ran through me.

"Hey, you okay?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah, just a chill," Ana replied.

"Me too."

I looked over at my friend and coworker, saw the sad smile.

"I was in a relationship that turned abusive. He was so sweet at the beginning, but it quickly turned into something else. We always had to do what he wanted, never with friends. He had to see me all the time so I started losing touch with my own friends. The first time I told him I had to break our plans because my mom was taken to the hospital, he ambushed me the next day coming out from visiting her and hit me."

"Oh my gosh! So what did you do?"

"I ran back into the hospital, figured with people around I'd probably be safe. I found a security guard and told him what happened. He urged me to file a police report, walked me out to my car. That's when I found the tires had been slashed."

I swallowed hard, my own fears tightening my throat.

"I called my dad to come get me, and we called the police for them to make out a report. They took pictures of my car and everything, then I called Triple-A to come fix it. My ex-boyfriend was pretty stupid – the security cameras got footage of him hitting me and messing with my car. He got charged with assault and destruction of property, had to pay me for the damages, and now I've got a restraining order against him."

"When did this happen?"

"Almost a year ago. I mean, if this can happen to the family of the chief of police, it can happen to anyone."

"Wow! I was at the gun shop earlier and I think I met one of your relatives."

"You mean Uncle Dan? Yeah, he's a pretty good guy. Say, if you're interested, there's a couple openings in the self-defense class I go to, down at the Y. Besides learning how to protect yourself, it gives you a great workout."

"I just might look into that."

* * *

-CG-

It's been a whole fucking week without a peep from Ana. I'm folding up my laptop, preparing to head home on this rainy Friday evening, frustrated that Kate hasn't heard from her. Taylor accompanies me down the elevator to the parking garage.

"Taylor, I'm going to need you to get two guys to provide covert surveillance."

"Sir?"

"One on Ray Steele's place in Montesano, and one on Carla and Bob Adams' place in Savannah."

He gives me a sidelong look and a raised eyebrow.

"Tracking their movements, or are we looking for something else?" he asked.

"I need to know if Anastasia Steele is living with either of them."

"You might just try calling them," he offered. I glared at him.

"No. In case she hasn't run to one of her parents, I don't want to alert them that she's not in Seattle. At least, I think she's not in Seattle."

"I can arrange surveillance to start tomorrow."

To hell with this 'waiting' bullshit. I don't do waiting. Riding home in the car, my anger began to simmer at the thought that Ana was purposefully putting me through this, and I could picture her strapped to the bench, a cane in my hand, ready to show her the error of her ways when Elliot's words came back to me: 'You can be a Dom, or you can have Ana; I don't think you can have both.'

I sighed, frustrated. My go-to responses would have to change at a gut-deep level if I am going to successfully dismantle my Dom persona. Time to schedule more sessions with Flynn, see if he can assist.

Just as I hung up from leaving Flynn a message about needing more sessions, my cell chirped. Elliot.

"Has Kate heard from Ana?" I asked anxiously.

"Well, hello to you too, bro. I'm fine, thanks for asking," Elliot chuckled.

"El, I'm not in the mood."

"Are you ever? But the answer is no, no word from Ana yet. I was just calling to remind you that we're meeting up with Kate for movie night tonight."

Groan.

* * *

"Sir?"

"Yes Taylor?" It's Wednesday afternoon, and I could use some good news for a change.

"We've located Miss Steele. She's in Savannah, staying with her mother."

Damn it! She had to drive clear across the country, hauling her stuff, to escape me? My stomach drops. This is going to make things even more difficult if I have to chase her all over the country.

"Was there anything else in the report? Do we know how she's doing?"

"I forwarded the full report to your email. Basically she's living with her mother and 4th husband, and has found employment as a creative designer for Arc Development, a big realty and commercial property leasing outfit."

Crap! She's setting down roots. I was hoping to offer her a position working for one of my companies, incent her to move back to Seattle, but it looks like that's not going to happen.

"Sir, do you want me to continue the surveillance on her?"

"For now, yes. Just make sure he remains covert."

Taylor nodded, slipped back out of my office. I shot my hand through my hair, contemplating my next moves. Do I talk to Flynn and let him know I've found her? He'll question my methods, but he might have a suggestion on how to contact her. Should I tell Elliot? He could go either way. Not sure I should tell Kate – she still seems to have it in for me. What to do? Should I make contact with Ana, let her know that I've found her? Might not be a good idea if her intention was to run from me. Would it spook her if I sent her flowers?

I got to my feet, started pacing in front of the windows, my thoughts a maelstrom. She was utterly confounding! Never had a sub refused aftercare, nor rejected any of my gifts! In fact, everything Ana has done is the polar opposite of a sub's typical behavior. That startles me – how in the world did I miss that? It's so simple – she doesn't act like a sub, so I shouldn't have been treating her like one. I simply didn't have the skills to know the right way to treat her. Hah, Elliot thought having me watch rom-coms would give me some idea how to act toward Ana. Of course, if that silly movie we watched was anything to go by, I'd need to have a frontal lobotomy in order to react 'properly'. Time to speed-dial Flynn. I need help.


	3. Chapter 3

-CG-

"I must say, Christian, I am very glad you're finally taking the SFBT approach to heart," Flynn began, motioning me to have a seat.

"Desperate times, desperate measures," I countered.

"Whatever the impetus, I'm glad of it. So, what shall we talk about today?"

"Operation Get Ana Back."

His eyebrow shot skyward.

"So this project now has an official title?" he smirked.

"You can thank Elliot for that one."

His other eyebrow joined the dance.

Over the next half hour, I gave him a blow-by-blow description of the past several days, including the pre- and post-contact task lists Elliot and I had come up with.

"Finally, last night was movie night with El and Kate. Some ridiculous rom-com about a guy who falls in love with the female personality on his iPhone."

His snort, and bouncing shoulders said it all.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought as well. El believes I need to be educated regarding the right way to treat a lady, but hell, what in the world can I take away from some crazy nonsense like that grade-B piece of crap movie?"

"I believe it's all about relationships, even one as far-fetched as in that movie. Most relationships are, for want of a better analogy, built on quicksand: they move and adjust and change. The secret is being able to adapt to the changes. I'm sure there had to be some conflicts presented in the plot, in order for the characters to resolve them. Did you see any parallels between the movie and real life?"

"That's just it. Hollywood has pushed the dial to extremes. Hardly anything applies because the entire plot is so outrageous."

"Alright, suppose you are put in charge of re-making the movie in a way that makes things more believable, more realistic. What's the first thing you would change?"

Now that threw me. Jeez, there were so many elements that were too far left-of-center, I don't know which one I'd pick.

"Oh, come now. It's just a simple question. What's the first thing that pops into your head?"

"I suppose the first thing I'd change is to make the female personality a living, breathing human."

"Ah, very good!"

In typical Flynn fashion, he blathered on, coaxing me along until I could finally see that even though the movie's plot was extreme, it still contained the difficulties and emotions and personalities found in everyday life. Huh, was _this_ the reason behind Elliot's idea? Heck, now that I knew why I was supposed to watch the crappy movies, things made much more sense.

"Christian, where'd you go?" Flynn pulled me back from my train of thought.

"Just realized that maybe Elliot's smarter than I gave him credit for."

That statement had his eyebrows jumping again. I explained my insight.

"Well, I must say I am impressed. Of course, you've always sat at the higher end of the intelligence scale. I'm happy for you, Christian. Even should Operation Get Ana Back be less than a success, it's helping you to rebuild your relationship with your brother."

My anger automatically flared at his words.

"OGAB _WILL_ be a success! I will not fail to get her back," I snarled.

"Christian, she's not a company that you can deviously plot and plan to acquire. She's a person with her own mind, her own wants, dreams and plans. You have to accept that she may not want you back, no matter what you do to entice her."

"But I need her back. Like I told El, she makes my world make sense. I thought I had everything in order before she came into my life. I had control. She's blown all of that out of the water, without even trying! And honestly, I feel like I'm addicted to her. I can't stop thinking about her. She even haunts my nightmares! Now that I know where she is, I just have to figure out how to make contact with her, show her that I'm willing to try being her boyfriend instead of her Dom."

"You _know_ where she is?" he asked pointedly.

Dammit! I didn't mean for that to come out, and he pounced on it. Time to 'fess up, I suppose.

"Yes. I suspected she might have run to one of her parents, since she didn't have much in her bank account. It was easy to arrange covert security on them, and sure enough, Ana is staying with her mother in Georgia."

"How is it you know the balance in her bank account?"

"Background check. You know I have one run on every sub I consider taking on."

Flynn looks pained, his hand to his forehead massaging little circles. Frustration maybe?

"What?"

"Christian, why in the world would you have any need whatsoever to know the balance in her bank account?"

"My guys are thorough. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that such information is a gross and blatant invasion of privacy! How would you feel if someone did that to you?"

"I'm sure it's done all the time. In any successful business negotiations, you need to know your opponent, know as much as you can about them. Many times there are sensitive spots, things you can exploit to turn negotiations your way. It's part of the reason mergers and acquisitions is such a cutthroat business. Rather like piracy with paperwork."

"And what if someone digging into your background were to come across telltale signs of your lifestyle?"

"They never will. I've spent a lot of money over the years to keep such information buried so deep it will never be found. My team periodically runs a background check on me, just to see if anything might pop up."

"All well and good, Christian, but you've had play partners from the clubs you've attended, people at the clubs who've recognized you, and now fifteen submissives, plus Ms. Lincoln. That's an awful lot of 'sensitive spots', no?"

"That's exactly my reason for having people sign an NDA."

"Well, while an NDA might be quite a threat, it would seem not impossible to me that, should someone with knowledge of you be offered a significant amount of money, say enough to disappear under an assumed name afterward, they might risk spilling the beans."

"If so, they'd be cutting their own throat. They'd be ousted from the BDSM community for publicizing it; no Dom would ever touch them. Plus, if I were to find them, I could legally take whatever monies they got for the story as recompense for the damage to my reputation."

"Ah, but the damage would already be done, and likely be significant, affecting your company and your reputation. Anything you might get back in recompense would be a pittance in comparison to the damage. Suppose your parents, or Mia, were to find out like that?"

"Don't even go there."

"Fine. But my point is that the more people there are who are aware of you and your lifestyle, the greater the possibility that the proverbial cat will get out of the bag, and make a royal mess of things."

"Doesn't matter much though, does it, if I'm giving up the lifestyle."

The timer on his desk dinged, and I was happy to put an end to this session. Standing with him, we shook hands.

"Christian, I truly hope none of your past comes to light. I mention it only so that you might consider talking about it with Ana should you two manage to patch things up, as it would affect her too."

I nodded, finally understanding his reasoning for taking that direction. More food for my thoughts.

* * *

Another Sunday dinner rolls around, and I am obligated to attend. Taylor pulls up the long drive and the car is barely stopped when I'm being assaulted in a hug from Mia.

"Christian! I'm so happy to see you again!"

"Hello, Mia. What's the big deal? I picked you up at the airport not that long ago."

"Seriously? Yes, you did pick me up, and yes, I thank you very much for sending the GEH jet for me so I could bring all of my stuff home. But other than a quick chat on the way home from Sea-Tac, we haven't talked at all."

"Mia, you know my company is running my life right now. I've barely had time to turn around. Besides, working like a maniac is what allows me to have a jet to fetch you with." I teased her.

That got me a pout, then her sly smile.

"Well, obviously you've been busy with _something_ else. Mom told me about dropping by your place and being introduced to your girlfriend."

I tried hard to hide the cringe from the pain. _Girlfriend._ I wish it were that simple. Mia rambled on, oblivious to my reaction.

"So, when do we get to meet her, big brother?"

"I can't answer that right now. C'mon, let's go in."

I knew that wasn't going to shut down the conversation for long, but I'd take what I could get. No way was I going to let them know what was going on between me and Ana.

"Hey Chrissy!"

"Lelliot. Hi Kate." I tried to ignore her cool stare.

"Hello Christian."

Without words, I tried to convey my question to my big brother. He understood, slightly shook his head – no word from Ana yet. Perhaps later I could get him alone for a few minutes, tell him what I found out. Mom called us to sit down and eat.

* * *

-AS-

_After kissing, and making out, my body craved his. Completely. His teasing touch inside my jeans had me drenched. His wicked grin revealed how much he was enjoying this, twisting me up to the point where my brain was about to shut off all coherent thought and let the animal side take over, and damn the consequences. _

_With one last braincell urgently screaming at me before it too succumbed, I managed to scuttle away from him. He blinked his surprise, regarding me as I quickly got myself back together at the other end of the sofa. I stood up, willing my jelly knees to hold fast and support me._

"_If you decide you're willing to try a normal relationship, let me know. But I will __not__ be your submissive. I will __not__ be number sixteen, or number __anything__! I'm better than that. And I will never set foot in your overused sex room again!"_

_I quickly turned, scooped up my purse and hurried to the door, worried he'd try to stop me, worried that the tears would let loose before I could make it to the elevator. My heart was slowly and viciously tearing apart right down the middle. Maybe I've just walked away from the most perfect man I've ever come across, but our relationship would be doomed from the get-go if I tried to force myself into being what he wants. I would hate being controlled, no matter how satisfying the sex. I will not ever be punished or beaten or hurt in any way ever again. I utterly refuse to let someone else do my thinking for me. Far better to stop this right now before I get in any deeper._

_Picturing Ray in my mind, willing him to give me strength to do the right thing for myself, I rush to the elevator. I can't help the panting – I'm breathless from equal measures of lust and fear. Goosebumps crawl over my skin as the soft 'ding' sounds and the doors open. I dash inside, hit the button for the lobby and flatten myself against the back wall. Our eyes meet, mine looking determined, and his looking completely lost. _

"_It's all I know," he whispered plaintively._

"_And I can't do that," I whispered back hoarsely, the suppressed tears already affecting my voice._

_The doors closed, and I slumped, relieved and shattered at the same time. _

My alarm blasted, startling me out of the dream. Or was it a nightmare? I reached over, banged the thing to shut it off, panting hard and trying to calm down. What the hell is the matter with me? This is what, the third time this week I've had a dream about Christian? I don't have time for this, need to focus, get ready for work.

I headed for the shower, still remembering bits from the dream, especially the fire I'd felt at his touch. His kisses, soft, arousing, then turning demanding and plundering. Gah! My body still lusted after him, and in the hot spray, I applied soap to my hand as it drifted south. I wantonly pictured him again as I rubbed slick circles over my already aroused clit. His expert touches, the feel of his teeth nibbling my neck, his hot breath on my ear. _I love you, Ana. I need you. Feel me, feel how much I love you. Come for me._ The quaking started deep inside, stealing my breath away, tingly pleasure washing over me for long moments with the hot water.

On a sigh, I slowly got my breath back, smirked to see my fingers coated in sudsy loopy goo. God, if only he could have been more boyfriend and less Dom. We could have been so good together. NO! No, no, NO! Dammit, no more thinking about him. I promised myself I wouldn't and his dark magic somehow keeps sucking me in. How the hell am I supposed to get over him?

Finishing what I was there for, I quickly toweled off and focused on getting ready for work.

It's been 2 weeks now of working at Arc, and I'm still loving it, although I now know exactly what Jax and Kelly were talking about regarding "crunch mode". Arc has successfully taken over an aging shopping mall in Austin, Texas, so we are gathering for a meeting, along with the sales team, to go over the known particulars at this point: location, square footage, number of available stores, current number of retail occupants and what they focus on. It's a dazzling display of photos, probably taken by cellphone, that pop up on the big screen.

The place looks tired, customers few and far between. A large fountain in the middle is dry, looks like it hasn't been operational for a few years. Utilities are sound, though some are in need of upgrade. Current retail outfits will be encouraged to remain open during rehab, incented by getting a break on their lease payments. The parking lot is in bad shape and will require an overhaul, which is slated to be done in sections so as to immediately improve foot traffic nearest the main doors.

Another presenter takes up the narrative, giving us background on the nearby communities. One major insurance carrier, and two tech outfits, have established large offices within 4 miles of the mall, and other small businesses are opening up in the surrounding area. The state has allocated development funds and is helping to boost the local community, enhancing it for work and play, adding a big boost to the prospects for a refurbished shopping mall. It makes me feel proud to have a hand in helping get this area back on its feet.

After the presentation, we disband, only for the creatives team to be called into the director's office. I take a seat near the back, uncertain as to what's going on. John Collins, the fifty-something distinguished looking director and person in charge, comes right to the point.

"Thank you for joining me. You've all seen the newest project we're undertaking, and it's going to be one of our bigger ones. Estimates for refurb sit currently at between 10 and 22 million."

My eyes go wide! That's an awful lot of money to sink into a building in the hope that they'll get enough leases to make it worthwhile.

"However, those estimates are only focused on bringing the structure back to its original condition. It is my belief, and that of senior management here at Arc, that we need to do something different in order to make shopping malls, especially this one, the draw that they used to be 20 years ago.

"Our culture is different now. Kids prefer cell phones and video games to hanging around a mall. What we need is to capitalize on what people like to do, and be able to provide that. For instance, did anyone notice the fountain during the presentation?"

We all nod, wondering where he's going with this.

"Hasn't been used in over 8 years. People don't care about a simple fountain anymore. They care about _water features_. For instance, suppose we replaced that aged fountain with a 2 story stone piece of art, that supports a waterfall? Perhaps something with an opening in the center where people can walk through, without actually getting wet."

I am stunned! Wow, what an idea.

"Now, let's enhance that idea. Surround the waterfall with tables for a café. Add some greenery, maybe other sculpture. At some of the tables, we provide a charging station for your cellphone or laptop. Maybe offer free wi-fi. Now, do you think that might draw in some people?"

"I think I see where you're going," Jax piped up. "You want the design of the refurb to be relevant to current tastes and interests. Something appealing to draw in people, who are naturally also going to shop as long as they're there."

"Precisely. And that is why, for this project, I'm looking for people from this team to go on-site, get a feel for the space, check out the local eating establishments, talk to people to see what they like, and then bring those ideas back so that we can redesign that mall, make it a showpiece for the surrounding neighborhoods as well as establish a new standard for Arc. This mall is going to be our new flagship project. We want fresh thinking and new design, we want to incorporate ideas to make it appealing and relevant for all age groups. We need to show that malls can again succeed in contemporary society."

"Huge undertaking, Mr. Collins," Jax said.

"Exactly so, Ms. Engleson. We need ideas, and that's where the creatives team comes in."

"How long will this trip be?" Kelly questioned.

"At least a week, more if necessary. I've got two of our advance team on-site already, and you'll coordinate with them. They've been scoping out the local watering holes, eateries, and businesses and will be able to coordinate efforts."

"So who gets to go?" Kelly asked again.

"All of you." Collins walked over to his desk, picked up a piece of paper. "I checked the requested vacation time for the department, and it looks like next week or the week after, is viable for travel. Any comments?"

We just looked at each other, dumbfounded.

"The week after would be better for me. I need to arrange for a sitter."

"I'd need to set up pet care."

"I can't do the week after, I've got family coming in from out of state."

"All right," Collins made a 'settle down' motion with his hands, "I won't ask for a commitment right now, but I expect you all to get together when you walk out of here and discuss it. I want a commitment by end of day as reservations will need to be made. Whichever week is chosen, I prefer the greater number of you to be able to go."

We nodded, got up and shuffled out.

And that's how, two days later, I and the team find ourselves jetting to Austin, Texas.

* * *

-CG-

Taylor knocked, them poked his head in the door.

"Mr. Grey, your brother has arrived."

"Thanks, Taylor. I'll be there in a minute."

I saved my latest revisions to the contract I was working on, and closed my laptop. Standing, and stretching, I'm trying to quell the uneasiness I feel in my gut. Based on Flynn's recommendation, I'm going to tell my brother that I know where Ana's been hiding. Walking out of my study, I see him already sitting on the large curving sofa in the great room, nursing a beer.

"Hi El."

"Hey Chris. Working late again?" he teased.

"Always. GEH won't run by itself." I countered, heading to the kitchen and getting a beer for myself.

I settled an arm's length from him, sat back and took a welcome sip.

"So, I suppose you'll tell me why I'm here?" El began.

I saw the speculation in his eyes as I leaned forward, rolling the chill bottle between my palms. Here it goes.

"I found Ana."

Elliot blinked, his face blank.

"Found her where? Or maybe more importantly, how?"

Damn, he knows me too well.

"She's in Savannah, Georgia, staying with her mother and husband number 4."

"And you found this out how?"

"A little deduction and BOTG."

I smiled, watching Elliot's face scrunch up at the unfamiliar term.

"What the hell is BOTG?"

"Boots on the ground. Military term. I sent a covert security guy to each of her parent's homes to keep an eye out, see if she was there."

"And?"

"And what?"

"So you know where she is. Have you made contact yet? Are you going to? How are you going to? What's the plan? And just to throw in my personal opinion, you do realize that's called stalking, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I can't help it, El. I need her – more than I think I've ever needed or wanted anything in my life."

"So what did your guy find out?"

"She's putting down roots. Living with mom, found herself a job, making friends maybe to replace Kate and José. The latest report I got said she also attended some DateSafe seminar, something about 'Recognizing Controlling Behavior'."

Elliot did this half-snort, half-laugh that had him holding his nose to keep the beer from reappearing. What a sight! I laughed.

"Damn, bro," Elliot coughed and laughed, "That IS funny."

"Yeah, in a sad kind of way. It just underlines the fact that she's done with my being a Dom. I just hope to hell she's not completely over me. Anyway, she went to it with one of her co-workers, who, it turns out, is the daughter of the chief of police."

"Hm, nothing wrong with having friends in high places, or even connections to them."

"Yeah, but it squashes the idea I had of grabbing her and putting her ass on a plane headed back here."

"Adding kidnapping to the stalking charges? Then what, unlawful imprisonment? Because you know damned well she won't stay unless she decides she wants to."

"It was just an idea," I lamely offered.

"And a bad one. Stop thinking like a Dom! You can't order her, you can't control her."

"So what do I do?" This was getting so frustrating!

"Entice her, seduce her, make her want to come back to you. Forcing her to do anything won't work."

"Okay, smartass, and just how do I do that? I tried enticing her and seducing her before, tried to show her the benefits in signing up as my sub, hell, I even bought her a car! And we both know how well that worked out."

"What about showing her what's in it for her to be your girlfriend?"

"I know what's in it for me, not sure what's in it for her. Besides, the bigger problem is how do I make contact with her in order to make her the offer? Flynn suggested I talk to you about it."

"Good thing, otherwise you'd just show up at her doorstep and scare the living hell out of her all over again."

"And that's exactly what I don't want to happen, which is why I told Taylor to not let me get on the jet without talking to you first."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go see her at all, at this point. She's terrified of you, Christian. If you show up, it'll just push her to get a restraining order or something."

My hands were buried in my hair, beyond frustrated. I needed to see her, talk to her, tell her that I'm willing to change for her, that I want to try again, try to have a regular vanilla relationship. But how can I if it'll only scare her more?

"So what do I do? It's been weeks since she took off. Has Kate heard anything?"

"Not a peep."

I drained my beer, waved the bottle at him with a raised eyebrow, asking if he wanted another. At his nod, I headed back to the kitchen and grabbed two more Budvars, trying to figure out some solution to the conundrum of contacting Ana.

After a sip from the fresh bottle, Elliot threw out some ideas.

"Chris, if you absolutely can't wait for her to contact Kate – which I happen to believe is the best option – then whoever makes contact with her has to be someone she's not afraid of. Although I would suggest it be Kate, I don't think she's our best shot for a few reasons. One, she doesn't know you found Ana and won't appreciate you stalking her. Two, she doesn't know why Ana ran and would give her the third degree seeking answers, which might reveal your secrets. Three, it would make Kate look like part of your conspiracy to get her back.

"I really think," El took another swallow, "it needs to be me making first contact. She'll be wary because I'm your brother, but I can play it so she'll trust me. I'll tell her I know about your lifestyle, tell her that you said it was okay to disregard the NDA and talk to me. I can tell her that you're willing to drop the Dom thing and try being a boyfriend, see how she reacts to that. We need to know what she's thinking, what she's planning, what she wants, before we do anything to try to convince her to come back to Seattle."

"Do you really think that would work?" I couldn't disguise the hope in my voice, even if I'd wanted to.

"Not sure we have a whole lot of other options. Any kind of contact with her is going to reveal that you've found her. I mean, you could write her a letter, tell her what needs to be said and ask her for a second chance. Trouble is, if she sees the letter is from you, it might spook her into just throwing it away. And I could just about guarantee a phone call is only going to result in a hang-up."

"What if I sent her flowers?"

"Again, she'd know you found her and she might just take off again for parts unknown. I think it needs to be some kind of personal, fairly non-threatening, contact with someone who knows your secrets and can talk with her about them, convince her that you're willing to change if she's willing to give you a second chance."

"And you'd be willing to do this? Drop everything and jump on a flight to Savannah to talk to her?"

"With a few considerations, yeah."

Uh oh, here it comes. Elliot's learned that he can bargain for favors. But dammit, I'm desperate and he knows it.

"What considerations?"

"To and from on your private jet, of course. First class accommodations because I'll be damned if I'm doing coast-to-coast and right back again, plus it might take me a few days to catch up with her."

"Fine."

"Also, I'll need whatever information your covert spy found out about her. I'll need to figure out where and when to approach her."

"Okay."

"I'll also need to do some research. Since I'll need some valid reason for being there, I figure there'll be some building or other in the downtown area for sale and in need of refurb. That way I can tell Ana that she was kind of a secondary reason for me being there, less chance of spooking her. Might cost you for a building, bro, if I find something worthwhile."

"That doesn't bother me too much. You've done well with the other properties I've purchased."

"And there's also the teensy little matter of that Aston Martin I've had my eye on since before last Christmas."

"The Vanquish?"

"Vanquish Volante. I want the convertible."

I shot a hand through my hair. It wasn't that I couldn't afford it. Rather Elliot's ceaseless whining and hinting about it being the perfect Christmas gift for him got on my nerves. Besides, if I had gotten it for him, then Mia would have felt slighted. Nothing like sibling blackmail.

"Fine! We have a deal," I spit through gritted teeth. I _hated_ being manipulated.

Later on that evening, long after Elliot left, I'm sat in front of the piano trying to decide which classical piece reflects my mood as I try to tire my mind enough to hopefully evade the nightmares. I began the fingering for _Pathetíque_ but stopped after a few bars, surprised that for once I wanted to play something hopeful. Because _I felt hopeful._ The utter amazement at that thought froze me.

_Hope? Me?_ Suddenly my mind was pounded from different directions, thoughts all in conflict. _You're a Dom! You don't "hope", you order, decree, demand._ You're giving up the role of Dom so that you can win back Ana. _You're a billionaire businessman, your word is law._ And your words devolved into threats that made her run away. _You don't show feelings. It's weak, it's beneath you. I've made you strong, Christian Grey. _

I shivered, now recognizing _that_ voice as Elena's brainwashing. I banged the keys, stood up, headed for the scotch. Hopefully a tumbler-full would quell the argumentative voices in my head.

Nearly an hour later, holding a second glass, I stood at the wall of windows watching the lights of Seattle shimmering in the wee hours, my forehead resting against the cool glass. For the first time in a long time, I felt genuine fear. Not the exhilaration of pursuing a complicated deal, knowing failure could cost GEH dearly. Not the wild anticipation of having a new sub under contract for the first time. Real fear. Somehow Anastasia had become a potent catalyst for me, a chain reaction racing through the events of my life and changing them, or perhaps changing me so that I saw things with different eyes.

There was more than just the fear that my life since Elena had been built on quicksand, my decisions a reflection of her control. The greater fear was that, without Ana to help me make sense of my new viewpoints, it left everything in disarray. What magic did she possess to be the key to my world making sense? I could barely put this in words for myself; there'd be no way to explain to Elliot, or anyone, how important to me Ana had become. How I, the man beholden to no one for all that I've built, am willing to walk away from it in order to have her, because I _need_ her that much.

I am equal parts convinced and horrified: certain that Ana is what I need, horrified at the prospect of walking away from the known, my entire world, and stepping into an abyss on nothing more than faith in a _feeling_. Logic tells me I've lost my mind, but something inside of me is overwhelmingly certain, pushing me to take this new path. Another gulp of the rich liquid focuses my thoughts for a moment, and I realize that it is my heart that is leading me. Never have I made an emotional decision before _in my life_, and yet, I can feel the innate _rightness_ of this one.

Her voice inside my head again cackles in demonic glee: _From Dom to submissive again. Mousey little girl is leading you around by your dick, and you're just gagging for more! _ I suppose in part it's true. There is a powerful force between us that I cannot resist, but just as she will not be my sub, I cannot be hers either. There has to be some middle ground, somewhere between these black and white extremes, that can work for both of us.

I gulp the last of the fiery liquid, and head off to bed. Just as sleep begins to overtake me, I realize that getting Ana back is going to be the single most crucial negotiation of my life. I've _got_ to find that middle ground.


	4. Chapter 4

-CG-

Taylor knocks, then walks into my office before I even acknowledge him. I looked up from the papers strewn over my desk, and notice the grim set to his jaw. Worry has my gut clenching.

"Taylor, what's happened?"

"Ana's covert security, Rogers, just reported in. Seems Ana and a number of her co-workers left the office right after lunch, carpooling in two vehicles, and headed for the airport."

"Any clue where they're headed?" I shot a hand through the mess I call hair, exasperated yet again.

"Not yet. I've got Welch hacking the databases of the major airlines looking for her name. I'll let you know when he's found something."

He headed back to the security office, leaving me to once again wonder what that girl was up to. Why in the hell don't people stay in one place?! Wherever she's off to, she won't have security with her and that leaves me royally uneasy.

A very long-feeling 20 minutes later, I get a text from Taylor: Ana going 2 Austin TX for 1 week.

Shit! A WEEK?! Must be a work junket given that her coworkers went with her. I wonder if I should send Rogers along, or maybe hire someone local to keep an eye on her. Wait a minute – what if I send Elliot?

I grab my phone and ring him up.

"Hey, bro!" came his cheerful greeting.

"Elliot? Is that you? I can barely hear you with all that noise," I practically shouted, the background noise deafening.

"Bulldozers. Hang on a minute," he yelled.

After the promised minute, the racket in the background had quieted considerably.

"This better?"

"Yeah. Much."

"So what's up? You rarely call during the day. Did something happen?"

"I just found out that Ana is flying to Austin, Texas, this afternoon. Some kind of trip for work, for about a week."

"And I care about this why?"

"Wondered if you wanted to intercept her there and talk with her, rather than flying all the way to the East coast."

"Not a good idea. I have no viable reason to be there."

"Right. Like you have a reason to be in Savannah."

"Actually, I do. I'm looking at placing a bid on a large office building in downtown Savannah that's in need of an overhaul. Need to get eyeballs on the place, make sure it's a candidate for rehab and not a wrecking ball."

"Since when are you interested in work on the East coast?" This surprises me. El has always stuck to projects on the West coast, very few of which have been outside of Seattle and its suburbs.

"Been thinking about it for a couple years now. Figured if I tackle a project there and it succeeds, I can keep the guys on by opening up a branch of Grey Construction there. I think you office-types call it a "proof of concept"."

"Damn, Elliot, I'm impressed!"

"I was thinking of a trip east sometime this year or next anyway. Going to see Ana just shortened my timeframe a little. And I'd be stupid to pass up the perks you're providing."

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in. If I wasn't so desperate…"

"I know, bro. But just remember, you created this mess in the first place."

"I'm sure you'll never let me forget it either."

"Hey, what else are big brothers for? Now, if there's nothing else, I gotta go. Don't want my 'dozer guys mowing down anything I haven't paid for yet."

"Laters, El."

"Laters."

-AS-

It's finally Thursday again, and we are flying home. Lots of work on this trip, but we had fun too. Discovered a lot of things, especially that Jax and Kelly are both a laugh-riot when they've been drinking! One night we were at this singles bar, they started doing this crazy karaoke routine, and had the rest of us practically peeing our pants from laughing so hard!

We managed to come up with all kinds of ideas for the mall, too. Our days were spent either walking through the mall and the surrounding areas, or touring the city and suburbs to see what's around. Ate at all kinds of different places, high end to low end and everything in-between. Talked to locals whenever we could manage it, although for some reason my conversations always seemed to end up with the guys flirting with me.

Finally, we got together yesterday afternoon and pooled our notes and ideas. The team wanted to designate one person to do the summary writeup for the trip but I argued against it, saying that people might not get the credit for their ideas that they deserved, if only one person summarized. Kinda knew in the back of my mind that, as the newbie, I had been about to get tagged with the task.

I worked on my version of the report on my laptop after dinner, and went over my rough draft as we waited for our flight this morning. On the 7-plus hour trip home, I reviewed and refined the trip report. At least it made the trip go faster. I planned to finish it up on Friday (we were given the day off since "working" over the weekend) then email it to management. It was my first big project and I was nervous about it!

Finally pulled in the driveway and lugged my suitcase to my room around 5pm. A quick shower, change of clothes, and I headed downstairs to help mom with dinner. We heard the doorbell chime.

"Ana, can you get that please? I need to get the casserole out of the oven."

I open the front door, and as my eyes take in the tall blond god, my heart jumps into my throat.

"Elliot." I gasped, frozen.

"Ana, hi. Please! Don't shut the door. I need to talk to you." He pleads, his hands raised in surrender.

I'm wildly looking past him, left and right, shaking in fear.

"Ana, he's not here. He's still back in Seattle. Ana? Christian's still on the west coast. He's not here."

"Not… here?" Mr. Stalker Extraordinaire was NOT here? My pulse was pounding so hard in my ears it took a minute for the words to get through.

"No, Ana. He's not here."

Elliot slowly lowered his hands to his side, his eyes still fixed on me, his forehead wrinkled in concern. What do I do? Is he here to grab me and force me back?

"Ana, it's okay. I just came to talk to you, nothing more. Please, Ana. Kate's been so worried about you."

My fear-frozen brain felt like it was plowing thru thick mud. Kate? Yes, Kate. Of course, she'd be worried; I poofed and never let her know where I was. Wait… how did Elliot find me?

"Ana? Who's at the door, honey?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"Uh, a friend of my friend Kate. He was in the neighborhood." Shit, what else could I tell her?

I turned and there she was, walking into the hallway toward us, wiping her hands on a dishcloth tucked into her apron. I smiled – she always did have a penchant for those 1950's aprons.

"Well, hello there, son."

"Hello, Mrs. Adams."

"Uh, mom, this is Elliot, Kate's boyfriend." Lame, yeah, I know, but with only a fraction of my brain functioning while the rest was still in shock, it was the best I could do.

"Nice to meet you, Elliot. Would you like to have dinner with us? I've just put it on the table."

"Gee, Mrs. Adams, I didn't mean to intrude on dinner."

"Nonsense, dear. Please, come in and join us. I'll just set another plate."

With that, Mom headed back to the kitchen as I opened the door a bit wider, and stepped aside to let him in. It was almost amusing to see him looking around, noticing all the little detailing in the woodwork. Kate had told me he was big in construction and had a real eye for detail.

"Look, Ana," he said is a low voice, "I'm not trying to frighten you. I just want to talk with you, ok? Maybe after dinner we can find somewhere quiet and have a conversation?"

"Maybe," was all I could say. With that, I headed toward the dining room, Elliot following in my wake.

Dinner was only slightly uncomfortable, and only for me apparently. Elliot was his usual vivacious self, charming the pants off both Bob and my mother. Bob's story about being run over by a golf cart got retold, and had Elliot practically hooting in laughter. He put forth a story of him and Christian when they were still teens, and how Mia would repeatedly sneak into their rooms and "shop", basically helping herself to whatever she fancied. Didn't take the brothers long to figure out that if something went missing, the first place to look was in her room.

Bob must have sensed the undercurrent, much as I tried to hide it.

"So Elliot," he began, "what brings you to Savannah? I got the impression that you live in Seattle."

"Well, Mr. Adams, I'm here to check on a commercial property downtown that's up for sale. The Verrazino building. If it's still structurally solid, I'm going to put a bid in on it. My company is big into refurbishing buildings, bringing them up to current code and introducing as much green technology as possible."

"Is that so? Hm, that's one of the larger buildings in the downtown area. Be good for local business to get that one back on its feet again. Who's the realtor?"

"Morris and Associates. I'm meeting with Edward Morris tomorrow morning to go through it and check it out."

"Well, you tell Edward that Bob Adams said to get you a favorable price on it. He owes me one."

"Wow! Thank you, sir! Much obliged for the favor."

"All I ask is you do your best to bring it back to its glory days. One of my first jobs was as an accountant for a firm that was based in that building. Call me sentimental, but I would love to see it again be the landmark that it used to be. At one time, it was THE place to have a business address in Savannah."

"I promise you, if I get the winning bid, I will make it better than it ever was."

"I'll hold you to that, son."

Dinner wrapped up, and Ana stood to help Carla with the dishes.

"I've got this, honey. Obviously Elliot is here to talk to you, so why not give him a listen."

"Thanks, Mom. I'm just… a little nervous."

"Nervous why?"

"Oh, I'm… I… uh… just don't know if I want him getting all into my business," I stuttered. Darned near told her I was afraid of being kidnapped! Can just imagine how she'd have reacted.

"Well, a word of advice then: just listen to what he has to say and promise nothing. That couldn't hurt, could it?"

Again, I am pleasantly surprised at the gentle wisdom from her.

"You're right. Thanks."

"Now, why don't you have that young man show you the building he's interested in? The drive should give you time to hear him out, and if you need more time, you could always stop by Ritters for ice cream. We'll see you later, and I hope things work out the way you want them to."

I smiled brokenly at her, just too overwhelmed to say anything. This new version of Carla was amazing. Heading back to the dining room, Elliot's eyes landed on me.

"Hey El, how about showing me this building that you're after?"

He smiled, recognized the opening I'd just given him.

"Sure, if you're up for a little drive." He stood up, shook hands with Bob. "Mr. and Mrs. Adams, thanks again for dinner. It was delicious."

"Always happy to have guests, Elliot."

I grabbed my purse and a light jacket, walked him outside.

"My car is last in the drive. Is it okay if we take it, or would you rather we go in your car?" he asked.

"As long as you promise that you'll bring me back here and not try to kidnap me or something, we can go in your car."

Elliot's eyes got bigger, and he looked, well, serious. Very un-Elliot. I'd tried to keep my tone light, but I think he saw my fear hiding just underneath my words.

"No kidnapping. I promise."

I hopped into the passenger side of his Lincoln Navigator and buckled up, while he poked at the nav screen, setting directions for downtown. In minutes, we were on the road. I glanced over at him, saw him focused on traffic so thought it best to stay quiet until he fired the first volley.

Soon we were cruising downtown, the sun setting and bringing on the lights of the city. It was beautiful! I felt a momentary pang, thinking back to watching the lights of Seattle from that fortress in the sky _he_ called home.

"So this is it, Ana. The Verrazino Building."

"This? Elliot, it looks like it's ready to topple over! You're seriously going to refurb this building?"

All the windows at ground level were boarded up and sporting graffiti. As my eyes traveled upward, I saw other windows cracked or broken out entirely. Bricks were chipped and cracked, mortar missing in places. It just looked so, so sad.

"I want to, but it's going to take a lot of money and manpower to make that happen. It's all going to depend on the price. If they want an arm, a leg, and three knuckles for it, they can keep it; there won't be any profit in doing the job. I mean, I'm not looking to retire from the payout on this job, but I need to make a decent profit so that I can pay my guys as well as stay in business."

He cruised by it slowly, and I was just in awe that he thought there was enough left to rescue. A trip around the block bought us a second look at it.

"The outside is definitely salvageable. Edward's going to have to let me inside tomorrow for a look around. If it's no worse than the outside, I'll put a bid on it."

"Why, Elliot? Why this building? Why Savannah? Surely there are other buildings closer to Seattle for you to tackle."

"Serendipity. I've been thinking of starting up a second branch of Grey Construction on the East coast for a couple of years now. Figured since my brother was willing to ship me out here to talk to you, I'd take advantage, look into the Verrazino, see if it could be the first project for my East coast team."

"Well, that answers one of my questions." Dammit, I knew it! Christian DID know I was here. "And I've got more. How about some ice cream?"

With a bit of fiddling, I got the GPS to direct us to Ritters. It was a warm Thursday night so several people were sitting around on the large patio. I got us a couple of chocolate sundaes, brought them back to Elliot who'd found a table near the parking lot and away from the other patrons. It struck me how _normal_ this felt; had it been Christian, he'd have insisted on paying, his security hovering making everyone nervous.

"Okay, Elliot. Maybe you should start."

"Fine. First off, your NDA is null and void."

"Wha-aat?" I hadn't expected to hear _that_ from him.

"I told Chris that I couldn't have a real conversation with you if you were still worried about saying anything. He agreed, said to tell you specifically that the NDA you signed was no longer valid."

"He's not worried that I'll tell Kate or one of my new friends?"

"Would you? Somehow I didn't take you for the kind of person who'd hurt him like that. Or am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong. I'm just shocked, that's all. His secrecy is so almighty important to him that I find it hard to believe that he's so willing to let go of it."

"That's okay. You can be as suspicious as you want. What I want to tell you, I've already gone over with him. This trip is as much about me wanting to talk to you as he does. My reason is Kate. She's been a mess since you left, Ana."

"I didn't mean to hurt her, but I… I couldn't let him hurt me!"

"Ana," he reached across the plastic table and took my hand, "I know all about his lifestyle. I know about Elena and what she did to him. And I know what happened with the two of you, at least from his point of view. What I'd like is to hear it from your viewpoint."

I looked at his eyes and they told the story: he was sad and serious, and he was hurting for his brother and Kate.

"It's embarrassing," I admitted, looking away.

"I don't need the play-by-play. Just whatever you're willing to share. He told me he punished you for rolling your eyes at him, claimed he'd warned you repeatedly about what he'd do. I have to tell you, I lit into him when he told me. Ana, I've spanked my share of ladies too. But, and I told this to Chris, it was always at their request, and I always started out very gently, let them guide me if they wanted it harder.

"He told me, in the lifestyle, that wasn't the way it worked. Then he shocked the hell out of me, telling me that he thought he'd taken it easy on you, that if an experienced sub had done what you did, he'd have tied her to the cross and brought out the whip."

I think my heart just stopped!

"Breathe, Ana. I'm just saying what he told me. And then I told him he was bat-shit crazy for hitting you as he did, that you were too new to everything, too scared to probably even remember you had safewords."

"Crap! I'd forgotten all about the safewords! I could have stopped him."

OMG! Was this all _my_ _fault? _

"Hey, it's okay. I figured you'd forgotten, and told him as much."

"El, he hit me eighteen times. Afters, I locked myself in the bathroom, waited until he left, and then looked in the mirror to see how bad it was. I was bruised purple! No wonder it hurt like hell! And if that crazy fuck thinks he's _ever_ getting near me with a whip or anything else…"

"Ssshh. Keep it down."

Yikes! Forgot where we were for a minute there. I shoved the last of the confection away, too upset to eat any more.

"Maybe we should have this conversation in the car," he offered. He got up, tossed the cups and spoons and napkins, held out his hand for me. Back in the SUV, he drove for a bit, finally pulling into a shopping mall and parking at the far edge of the lot by a movie theater.

"There. This should give us some privacy. So, he hit you too hard, bruised you, and you bailed for the bathroom. Then what?"

I quickly went over the events: me yelling at him to leave, the crying, him threatening me with another spanking the minute he saw me again, my decision to ignore his email and make fast plans to come to Georgia, how I sold the car he'd bought me the next morning when I picked up the truck. That seemed to surprise him.

"What kind of car did he get you?"

"A red Audi A3. Why?"

Elliot told me then about how he'd had brushes with his brother being in the lifestyle, why he never told their parents, and about following Lisa's Audi.

"Ana, it makes me feel like I've failed him, over and over. I let that she-demon get her claws into him, and I did nothing to stop it. I feel I'm partly responsible for him being the way he is. So, I guess part of the reason I'm here is to tell you that he's been seeing his shrink daily since that happened, and with me talking with him he's finally started to see that she-demon was wrong about so many things. He damned near passed out from shock when he finally realized that she was just a gold-digger, keeping him under her thumb so she had access to him and his money."

"I hope you're right, El. From the moment he told me about her, I knew she was bad news for him. But he couldn't see it!"

"Yeah. For someone as smart as he is, she was leading him by his dick, and he didn't have a clue. Well, he does now. He said he's done with her. He's severing his relationship with her, getting out from being business partners with her in those salons. Said he's cutting her out of his life completely."

"You do know that she was the one providing his submissives, don't you?" I venture.

"Yeah, I found that out as well. Which probably helps explain why she's so pissed that he's gaga over you; she's losing out on the finders fees."

"You know, El, it got me to thinking. If he'd have exposed her years ago, it probably would have saved some of the other kids who fell under her spell. And I believe there were others because that sick bitch wouldn't have stopped."

"Shit! I didn't even consider that. And some of that blame falls on me as well."

"El, I believe you were trying to do the right thing at the time. You wanted to try to help your brother be happy."

"I was just too dumb to know that his day or two of happiness would result in such a messed up life. All I ever wanted was for him to be normal, Ana. I wanted to protect him, have a little brother I could mess around with, share things with, joke around with. I'd have his back and could trust that he'd have mine. Yet I did nothing to stop him getting brainwashed by that sick bitch, and didn't even realize I opened the door for other kids to get seduced by her."

I watched him lean his head on his hands on the steering wheel, sick at the revelation. I reached over, put my hand on his big shoulder.

"El, you couldn't have known how it was all going to work out. You tried doing your best for him. That's all anyone can do. I guess that's what I tried to do too. Figured if I tried giving him some of what he wanted, tried his lifestyle, maybe he could relax a little and be the boyfriend that I wanted. All I agreed to was to _try_ being his submissive. But after getting beat on by him, I'm done. I can't do it. I can't risk it. El, my mom's third husband was abusive. He even tried raping me one night. I fought him off, then left for Ray's place, but the bruises I'd gotten… No, I won't risk being in a situation like that again. I _can't._"

With a heavy sigh, he sat up again.

"Ana, I have to tell you about Chris. He's been a basket case since you left him. I don't think he's sleeping at all. Has these dark circles under his eyes worse than I've ever seen. He's been seeing Flynn because he's trying to change his ways. He's cutting the she-bitch out of his life. And he is desperate to try and get you back. So desperate, I think he'd even walk away from GEH if it guaranteed he could have you back."

"El, I'm just not convinced that we're good for each other. He's been into his _lifestyle_ for too many years. She brainwashed him for too long. He once told me 'It's all I know'. I don't believe he can just give it up. I find it hard to believe he even wants to. Plus, he threatened me. I don't want an abusive boyfriend."

"You could always stop him in his tracks with a safeword."

"I don't _want_ to have to remember some stupid safeword! It should never get to the point where I'd even need one." Argh, this was so frustrating!

"Ana, if he did give it up, would you consider going back to him?"

"I… I honestly don't know. I thought I loved him, thought he felt something for me. But if you love someone how can you want to hurt them so bad? Even if he did try and convince me he was done with the BDSM shit, how could I be sure that the next time I did something to cross him, or we had an argument or something, or the stress from GEH piled up, how could I know that he wouldn't revert right back to being a Dom? I still have feelings for him, El, but I don't trust him anymore."

"Damn. For as whip-smart as he is in the boardroom, he's dumber than a stump in the bedroom. Ana, it's like this. I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. He brought this on himself by trying to push you into something you really didn't want, instead of being willing to change himself. But, swear to God, you've changed him, made him see the light. And I would absolutely _hate it_ if he were to go back to being the same closed-off recluse that he was before he met you.

"The whole family has seen how different he is because of you. I'm not one to beg, Ana, but in this case I am begging you to please try to find it in your heart to forgive him and give him another chance. I know you're good for him, and I'm certain you're a strong enough woman to help him straighten out his shit because you won't put up with it. Besides, if he ever lifted a hand to you again, he'd have me to deal with."

"Aaagh! I don't know what to do! I have a job here that I really like, I've already made some friends, and I'm discovering a side to my mother that I never knew was there and it's wonderful. We've come a long way in patching up the mess between us. And you want me to just turn my back on all of that on a whim? To _maybe_ have him back again? _Maybe_ have him be the boyfriend I want?"

"Bird in the hand, Ana. Yes, you've got something good going on here. But tell me honestly, are you 100% over him? Could you be happy for the rest of your life if you moved on and never saw him again, never gave him a second chance? If you tell me yes, then I'll go back to Seattle and tell him to leave you alone, that you're done with him. I'll keep him away from you."

Oh lord, this was not how I'd imagined this would work out. Figured Mr. Control Freak would have shown up in person and tried to drag me back. Then I'd taser him. Then once he came to and calmed down, then I figured we'd talk about it. Am I over him? No. Not if I'm being honest with myself. The bigger question is – should I be? Some of the wisdom from the DateSafe seminar swirls through my mind.

"El, I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'm not sure I'll ever be over him. He was the first man I ever loved. But like I said, I'm not sure we're good for each other. And if I give him another chance and he blows that too, it'll break me."

"Well, maybe I can help by finally being the supportive big brother I should have been years ago. If you'd be willing to try again, I'll coach him, teach him how to be a boyfriend and not a Dom."

"You'd do that?"

"Hell yes! I owe it to him, and to you, to try to teach him the right way to treat a lady."

"Just so you don't have him running all over Seattle bedding any female he can find."

"Hey! Low blow, Ana. You know him well enough to know he'd never do that. And I wouldn't want him to. But it worked for me, helped me figure out what I wanted in a life partner so that I'm certain about Kate."

"Really? You and Kate?"

"Yup. She's the one. Now, I don't see the same technique working for Chris, and honestly, he doesn't need it – he's found you and by all the signs, he's hopelessly in love with you. So, what should I tell him? I'm flying back tomorrow after my morning meeting with Morris."

A wild idea bloomed. It was only Thursday today, and our department was given Friday off as a bonus for that trip to Texas. I had a 3 day weekend to take advantage of, maybe get some things cleared up. It wouldn't take much to throw together a small suitcase and fly back with Elliot.

"Ana, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, don't do it."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

"That sparkle in your eyes is a dead giveaway. You're thinking of coming back to Seattle with me, right?" he smirked.

"Okay, yeah, I was. Thought that if I saw him, the two of us could hash some things out. But you're probably right. I'm still too messed up from him. We'd either end up with the world's biggest shouting match, or we'd end up in bed."

"Well, for my 2 cents, ending an argument in the sack isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you and my brother have an awful lot of things to talk through before getting to that point. He needs you to set limits, Ana. You have to be the one in control. I know he thinks he is, believes he wants to be, but really it all falls to you to say what is acceptable to you and what is not. Not only the what, but the degree as well."

"Like a teasing smack not a black and blue ass."

"Exactly. You have to understand, Christian's subs were, for lack of a better word, all highly-trained professionals, accustomed to extreme levels of pain. He was not their first Dom. They knew exactly what they did and didn't want, so he knew exactly what limits he had to respect.

"Yes, I know you're new to dating, probably have no idea what your limits are. And that's fine. The simple solution, make your limits very vanilla. Let him know that if he wants to try something with you, he'd better talk it over with you first. And if you decide you don't like it, don't put up with it. Tell him no. Make him stop. Tell him why you don't like it so he understands. He needs to learn how to be a boyfriend, because right now he's got no frame of reference for it. If you decide you want him back, it's got to be with the understanding that you'll need to do a lot more work in this relationship simply to show him the way. It'll take a lot of effort to undo all the crap that evil witch filled his head with."

"I hear you, but I still can't give you an answer yet. I want to sleep on it tonight, so maybe I'll know what I want by morning."

"Sounds reasonable. Ana, I'm not trying to force you into a decision either. If your answer is you don't know yet if you're willing to take another chance on him, then that's what I'll tell him. He's a clever and devious negotiator, might try something to make you change your mind, but I can promise you I'll sit on him if I have to, just so he gives you the space you need. Like I said, you're the one in control here. You alone decide what you do or don't want."

"If only it were that easy."

"Relationships are never easy, Ana. I guess that's why I was never willing to have one before Kate. They're a lot of work, but only if they're worth it. C'mon, let's get you home."

Traffic was much lighter on the way home.

"So, Ana, tell me about this new job of yours."

That's all it took, and for the next 10 minutes straight I talked his ear off, telling him about what I did, who I worked with, the mall in Austin and what the company was trying to do with it. He looked thoughtful as he took it all in.

"As a matter of fact, could I maybe ask a favor of you, El? One of the things we're supposed to do is put together a writeup of our trip and list our findings and recommendations. Could you look it over, tell me what you think? I mean, with you being in construction I'm sure you've got some insight into stuff like this."

"Sure! I'd love to. I guess I'm just surprised that you got into this field. Kate said you were so focused on getting a job in publishing."

"Well, that was part of my dream in moving to Seattle. When I came here instead, I figured I shouldn't be so picky about a job. Bob had some contacts and I got two different offers. This one sounded much more interesting with potential for growth, so I took it."

"Sounds like you really enjoy it."

"I do! It's exciting, and the people I work with are fantastic. I'm paying off my student loans, got myself a car, and I figure in a month or so if things keep going like they are, I'd start looking for an apartment."

We pulled into the drive, and I invited Elliot in, fixed him up with a soft drink in the dining room while I dashed upstairs and grabbed my work laptop to show him what I'd put together.

Almost 2 hours later, when I finally saw Elliot to the door and bid him goodnight, promising to meet him for breakfast, my mind was whirling. He'd read over my document, looked at the plethora of pictures we'd all taken, and then told me how he might approach things from a design and construction point of view. He offered suggestions on a few better ways to format what I had to make it easier to understand as well as cross reference with the photos. He took some of my rough ideas and fleshed them out, added detail like expected cost estimates and timeframes, even put forth some unique ideas of his own.

I'd told him that I didn't want to steal his ideas, but he pushed me to go ahead and use them, telling me he saw a lot of potential in what Arc was trying to do, and might even be willing to get involved in it if they were looking for someone on the construction end of things! I said I'd be sure to let my bosses know about that. I went to bed feeling much better and more confident of the future – it was a welcome change.

Next morning, Elliot texted me to let me know he'd pick me up in half an hour, asked if I wanted to tour the Verrazino building with him. Hey, why not? I might even learn something. We ate at IHOP, then slogged through traffic heading downtown. Mr. Morris was already in the parking lot waiting for us, and after introductions, unlocked the door to the sad old building and let us inside. The tour took over 2 hours, and I was glad Elliot had warned me to wear my grubby jeans: the place was inches thick in dust and "ick".

By the time Elliot had seen enough, I felt I desperately needed another shower! He had me crawling into some of the tiniest spaces with the flashlight he'd brought, telling me what to look for, having me check on the condition of wires and connections and whatnot. Ugh! I wonder what he'd have done if I didn't come along? Dusting myself off the best I could, I hopped into the SUV and waited while he talked with Morris for a bit. He jumped into the driver's side, popped in the key and fired it up.

"So, Ana, what did you think about it? Think it's worth restoring?"

"Jeez, El, I don't know. So much of the wiring was ripped out, walls were damaged, there was that huge hole in the middle of the fifth floor, the light fixtures would all need to be replaced, the staircases seemed wobbly to me, and then there was all that pigeon poop everywhere!"

"All true. What else?"

"Hm. Well, there was a ton of old office junk all over the place. Looked like some homeless people might have been camping out on a couple of floors. And I noticed that the thermostats only showed settings for heating."

"Good catch! Yes, I saw that too. No air conditioning in that building. Bet it gets damned hot in there in the summer."

"I can't imagine! Especially with all the other big buildings around it! I mean, the windows looked like they opened to let in a breeze, but being right in the middle of a bunch of big buildings, I'm not sure how much breeze there'd be. And it might be an even hotter breeze than inside the building."

"So, like I showed you with your report yesterday, bottom line it for me."

I looked at him, puzzled. Why was he asking me this? He was the expert here, not me. Well, maybe I could play along.

"Um, well, it seems to me that the insides might need to be gutted and completely rebuilt. Honestly, I didn't feel safe in there. Plus, although it's a big building, it's overshadowed by it's neighbors. If you wanted to do any kind of solar panel thing on the roof or something, it wouldn't work too good because of the shadows. The wiring's missing, the plumbing and fixtures are busted and way past their prime. The outside needs serious work as well.

"I don't know, Elliot. I'm not in the business of construction or estimating, but I honestly didn't see much value left to the place. I imagine if it got knocked down, there'd be an additional cost in demolition besides erecting a new structure, but the savings of a new building using newer building methods and green technology might help recoup the demolition cost over several years. What?"

Elliot was grinning practically ear to ear.

"Want a job?"

"WHAT?"

"The things you mentioned were right on the money. That's why I spoke with Morris right before we left. Told him that unless he was ready to just about give the building away for free, it wasn't worth it to refurb. He looked pretty crushed, so I'm assuming there haven't been any other offers on it. He might get back to me with a really lowball price. If so, I'll want a second look at it, bring in a couple of my engineers to go over the thing in detail and start putting costs to the work needed."

"So does that mean you'll get it, or not?"

"It means I don't know yet. First impression, no. It's not worth it. But, if they're willing to sell it for a pittance, then I might be interested, but more along the lines of demo and rebuild, not refurb."

"Sounds like no doesn't necessarily mean 'no', at least in construction."

"And believe it or not, that's a hard concept for most people to grasp. No just means 'it depends'."

"So what was all that about asking me if I wanted a job?"

"You're smarter than the average bear, Ana. I'm beginning to understand some of what my brother sees in you, beyond just the pretty face and the killer body. I can't tell you how many times I've had project managers or engineers or whatever, along with me on these investigation tours, and none of them could bottom line it like you just did. You have a really good eye for details. So, since I'm looking to expand Grey Construction, it would be immensely helpful to me to have someone with your talents to be able to scope out buildings and give me a preliminary assessment on them."

"Wow! Um, I… uh…"

"It's okay, Ana. Lot of things on your plate right now, and I know you already have a job you like. Just something to maybe keep in the back of your mind. I want to get an east coast division started up and going, but some time after that I'll need to have someone who can start scoping out properties for me, maybe even part time. I can't do it all if I'm trying to run divisions on both coasts."

"Couldn't Kate help you out with it?"

"Actually, no, she can't. I took her with me on a tour of an old factory on the outskirts of Redmond that I was thinking about converting into loft apartments. Not only is her heart not in it, she didn't really notice the details like you did. She just has different skills and a different mindset. She's excellent at figuring things out, uncovering information, reading people and finding out how things connect. But buildings and rehab? Definitely not her thing."

Again, he pulled into my mom's driveway, prepared to drop me off.

"So, Ana. Is there anything I can tell Christian?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"I'm still not sure what I want, El. It never occurred to me, until you mentioned safewords, that I could have stopped him, so I guess I'm partly to blame. Maybe you could tell him that I am absolutely sure that I can't be his sub, that I want no part of being hurt like that, but I don't know if he's boyfriend material or not. I do miss him, El, but I've felt terrified of him ever since I last saw him, feared he'd do what he threatened. I can't just let go of feeling that way over the last handful of weeks."

"So, maybe with a little more time, now that you know he's willing to change, you might be willing to entertain the idea of giving him a second chance?"

"Maybe. But not yet. And you're definitely going to have to coach him. None of this crap about rules and punishments and stuff. If that's what he needs and wants, then he needs to find someone else."

"So what does Ana want?"

"I want a friend. Someone I can talk to, laugh with, go places with, share things with. I want someone I can care about and trust, someone who feels the same way about me. Your brother comes with a train-load of baggage, El. Plus all that security and stuff just because of who he is. Add in a messed up lifestyle, plus all that poisoned brainwashing, and that's more than most anyone can handle."

"Okay. I think I get it. You might be willing to try again, but only if he's willing to be pure boyfriend not Dom. But he has to give you time, wait until you're ready, before anything else happens. That about right?"

"Yeah, that's exactly right." I turned in the seat, hugged him. "Thanks, Elliot. I was avoiding calling Kate because I remembered Christian tracking me to that bar by using my phone. But since it doesn't matter any more, I'll give her a call later and try to patch things up."

"Thanks, Ana. She'd love to hear from you. Just… try not to say too much about Christian, ok? She doesn't know what we know, and really, she shouldn't. This is between you and Christian."

"Okay. Fingers crossed that this works, El. And have a safe trip home."

"Thanks for meeting with me, and on behalf of my stupid ass brother, I'm sorry. Take care, Ana."

I waved goodbye as he pulled out of the drive, hopeful that maybe the hole in my heart now had a chance to heal.


	5. Chapter 5

-CG-

I find myself sitting at the desk in my study, the layers of pages of the contract details strewn about, and it might as well not even be there. I can't concentrate on it. Getting up, I walk into the great room and over to the windows, looking on the city lights bleeding through the rainy night. Again, my thoughts fly to Ana, wondering how she is, what she's up to, and most crucially, what she's thinking. Elliot was supposed to be home by now, but his earlier text alerted me that his departure would be delayed a few hours due to a second meeting with the realtor about that building. He should be landing in another hour.

Fuck it! I can't wait. Leaving the mess on my desk untouched, I head for the bedroom and a fast change of clothes, texting Taylor. I need to be at SeaTac, I need to talk to Elliot face to face.

I'm waiting in the private jet terminal, watching the GEH plane make a textbook landing, then lazily circle around on the runway and pull up outside. Taylor is right behind me, both of us holding umbrellas, as we head out to stand on the tarmac. As the chocks are set under the wheels, the door opens and the stairs lower. They barely kiss the ground and my older brother comes bounding down, duffel in hand, ignoring the rain.

"Hey Chris! Didn't expect a reception committee," he chuckled.

"C'mon El, you knew I'd be here," I retort.

"Yeah, guess I did. You want chapter and verse in the SUV?"

"If you have any hope of seeing Kate tonight, then yes."

We pile in, throwing his bag in the back, and Taylor heads for the exit. I'd specifically asked him to use his headphones during the drive, knowing he'd be really upset if he overheard the conversation I planned to have with my brother.

"So. Tell me," I bark.

"She's fine, Christian. Her mom and Bob are a hoot. Good people. She's been staying with them until she gets on her financial feet, then she's thinking about finding an apartment."

"Does she seem okay? Does she look happy? Is she eating? Does she miss me? Do you think she'll take me back?"

"Uh, well, yes, she's okay and she's sorta happy, though I think it's more just making the best of the situation. I'm not honestly sure if I could say she misses you, but only because she's felt terrified of you since the incident. Afraid you'll just show up and make good on your threat."

"Aw shit! I was only trying to use that as leverage to get her to come out of the bathroom. She honestly thought I'd do that to her?"

"That's what you said you'd do, so she believed you, yes."

I could feel the bile surging in my stomach. She believes me to be a monster. _Well, aren't you? Such a thin veneer of civilized over the brutal core._

"Hey, Chris," he snapped his fingers in front of my face, pulling my attention back to the present, "all is not lost. Don't go into one of your infamous sulks."

"You're saying that she told you she's been scared of me this whole time, scared I'll hunt her down and make good on that threat? She actually said that to you?"

"Yeah, she did. She's a very trusting person, Chris. She believed you. I saw the look in her eyes when she answered the door to me. That was raw fear. She hardly paid me any mind, kept looking all around me waiting for you to attack."

"Aw, fuck! I can just imagine how the rest of your meeting went."

"Chris, level with me. Why did you hit her so hard?"

"What do you mean, 'so hard'?"

"I know you told me that had it been one of your other subs you might have taken a whip to her, but Ana was such a novice, and you _knew_ that. So why hit her so hard? You must have had some inkling to take things slowly with her."

"I… I thought I was taking things slow. I'd put a lot of thought into wanting her as a sub, knowing that she was completely unfamiliar with the lifestyle, that I'd have to coax her along, train her. We'd just gotten to the point of her agreeing to try, and then she gave me flak about the car, angering me. When she rolled her eyes at me, I felt that she was testing me, something a sub might do, and I reacted. I was livid, but, I was so damned overjoyed at the same time, I guess, that she'd consented to try being my sub that I… I…" _Oh, HELL no! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!_

"That you what?"

I swallowed hard, the realization choking me.

"That I lost control."

"I'll say you did. Ana told me her ass was deep purple from the spanking, all bruised to hell. Dammit, Chris, that's _abuse!_"

I gasped, horrified.

"You didn't know?" Elliot asked, shocked.

"I… Oh, my god, I didn't realize I'd hit her _that_ hard."

"And y'know, given that she wasn't an experienced sub, then _how in the hell would she have been 'testing' you?"_

"Dammit all to hell! Why can't she just be a sub?! A sub would know how to act, what to expect, and we'd get on famously."

"Bro, you know you don't mean that," Elliot counseled. "Ana is too damned smart, and thinks for herself. The absolute last thing she'd ever do is let someone else control her, in any way. I barely know her and I could've told you that before I ever left Seattle. If you want a submissive, leave Ana alone. If you truly want Ana, then you've got to let go of the way you believe relationships work. It is that simple."

"Wait a minute! She had safewords! If that wasn't what she wanted, if she didn't like it and wanted it to stop, why the HELL didn't she say something?"

"Newbie, remember? She forgot she had safewords."

I hang my head, shamed and decimated, realizing now the true extent of my monumental failure as her Dom. Safe, sane, and consensual all crumpled up and thrown right out the window in my hungry blind eagerness. I am ashamed of myself, disgusted at my actions. Ironically, perhaps I'm glad to give up being a Dom because when I most needed to maintain control, most needed to be aware of my sub and cognizant of how she felt in order to _keep her safe_, I failed miserably. I became her assailant. _Just like the pimp was yours! Keeping the cycle going, eh Grey? Whipping the willing ones not enough for you anymore? _

"Honestly bro, when she told me that, and by the way she says the purple has changed now to just a few streaks of yellow left; anyway, when she told me that, I almost suggested she sue your ass for assault. You keep trying to perpetuate the abuse you suffered as a kid, and you have to stop. Because I'll tell you right now, Ana wants _nothing_ to do with you as a Dom."

I think my heart just tumbled out the door and splattered on the pavement.

"What?" I could barely croak. Was it over? If she wants nothing to do with me, was there no chance for us to try again?

"We did a lot of talking and I asked her point blank 'What does Ana want'. She told me she was done with even _trying_ to be a submissive. Said that if that was what you needed, to go find someone else who could give it to you because it wasn't going to come from her. She still wants time to get her head around everything that happened, especially since I asked her about not safewording and got confirmation that she'd completely forgot about them. If anything, she's now feeling a little guilty for her part in how things went down that night."

Fuck! She shouldn't feel guilty. The blame rests solely on me. I completely lost control, forgetting she was so new at this, and put her at grave risk – and she'd forgotten the means to stop me. Even the pain of pulling at my hair isn't enough to overcome the revulsion I feel.

"What else did she say?" I feel like a prisoner awaiting his death sentence.

"She said she _might_, and it was said as a very remote possibility, consider having you as a boyfriend, but not anytime soon. I think she still has some feelings for you, Chris, but weeks lived in constant fear seems to have taken a toll on her. She's found a job that she likes, she's got a nice relationship going with her mom and Bob, bought herself a car, and is making friends. She told me she's not ready to walk away from all of that based on nothing more than a slim chance that you might be willing to learn how to be a boyfriend."

"Crap! So how the hell do I do the boyfriend thing with her on the other coast?"

"I haven't figured out that part completely, but I've got some ideas in the works."

I squinted at him, suspicious of what he might be up to.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I brought her along when I went to look at the building, had her crawling into all the tiny nooks and crannies to scope things out for me."

"YOU WHAT?"

"Keep your shirt on. I wanted to see what she'd do. Surprised the hell out of me, too. Didn't bat an eye, crawled right through the dust and crap, poked her head into some of the holes in the walls and reported back on what I told her to look for. She was succinct and accurate in her observations.

"The bigger surprise was after I dropped her back home. She did a writeup on her trip to that mall in Austin that Arc is apparently looking to refurb, asked me as an expert in the trades if I would give her my professional opinion. I'm beginning to understand that that lady has a damn fine brain under all that hair. She had some damned good ideas for rejuvenating that place, making it vital to today's culture and lifestyle. I showed her how to change the format a bit, essentially starting with a one paragraph summation, and then delving into the detail. Also helped with a few ballpark estimates on the work.

"Chris, her bosses are going to take notice when she turns in her report. I taught her how to bottom line her observations based on what she saw in that building we toured, and her review blew me away. Did I tell you, I took Kate on one of my scope-out junkets to see if she'd be interested in doing something like this?"

"No, you didn't. Why? Does that matter?"

"Only in that Kate has no interest in it, couldn't be bothered messing up her manicure, and didn't catch half of the glaring problems. Ana's observations aligned with my own so perfectly, I thought she was reading my mind! That girl's got talent."

I couldn't help the smirk. Oh yeah, she has _talent _all right. Not that I'd share any of that information with Elliot.

"So I told her that when she turned in her report, that if Arc was interested, my company might be interested in getting involved in the refurb. And then I offered her a job."

"YOU _WHAAAAAT?"_

"Hey, it's like this. Number one, I was trying to pry her away from Arc. It would make it that much easier to get her back to Seattle. Two, she's damned good at details, and I could seriously use someone like that, at least to do the initial walk-through of a property to see if it would be worth pursuing. I can't be on both coasts trying to manage two divisions of my company, and look for projects at the same time. Three, even if I can't pry her loose, it might give me an 'in' to quote on work for Arc."

A hard tremor went down my back. Picturing Ana in tight jeans and a t-shirt, crawling through the muck of old buildings, in danger from unstable floors and God knew what else, dealing with dust and bugs, and some fucker standing behind her watching her ass? Oh HELL no!

Dammit! How did this all turn into such a fucking mess?

"So what's the bottom line, El?"

"Just give her time. I know that's next to impossible for you, but that's what needs to be. If you start pushing her, or contacting her before she's ready, she'll toss you in the 'might have been' pile and move on. In the meantime, we need to make you into boyfriend material."

I frowned, thought that was what we'd already been doing with those asinine movie dates and such.

"How much time?"

"How long until your first reaction to anything isn't what a Dom would do?"

Aw crap!

* * *

-Arc-

It was late on Friday as John Collins, the director, knocked then entered the CFO's office.

"Hey Eric, got a minute?"

"One or two," he said, packing up his briefcase. "Taking my wife out for dinner tonight so I have to scoot. What's up?"

"Some of the creatives team have already forwarded their summaries from the trip to Austin. You need to take a look at one in particular."

Casually he dropped the 8 page stapled packet on the desk.

"What the hell? She write a book?" he chuckled.

"Give it a read over the weekend. I think you'll like what you see."

McConnell grabbed it, tossed it on top of the junk in his briefcase and closed the lid.

"Yeah, like I have nothing better to do," he grumbled, then wished Collins a nice weekend and headed out.

*** Monday morning ***

"John? Can I see you in my office when you get a few minutes?" McConnell called out, poking his head in John's office on his way to his own.

"Sure. Give me 5 minutes to look over my schedule and I'll be right over," Collins replied.

In less than the allotted 5 minutes, Collins sauntered over to Eric's office, plunked himself in the plush red leather chair. He was smirking, had a good hunch what this was all about.

"You were right," Eric admitted. "Looks like our newest hire has quite some talent."

"My thoughts exactly. I like her ideas; they seem very relevant and workable. And I really liked the format for the write-up."

"Starting out with a bottom-line summary was quite clever. Drew me in with the salient points, then flowed into the detail to back them up. And how in the hell was she able to put rough estimates against her ideas?"

"Beats me. I was planning on talking to her when she gets in this morning."

"Tell you what, put a meeting together. You, me, her, and bring in Lenny and Dierdre from sales," Eric said.

"Okay. How about including someone from the advanced team?"

"Get Matt if he's available. If not, try Ken. Make sure everyone attending the meeting has a copy of that writeup."

"What about an agenda? Matt's hard to pin down unless he can see what's in it for his area."

"The agenda is the mall, and the results from the creatives' trip, their recommendations. Was there much in the other write-ups that she hadn't already covered?"

"Damned little."

"Fine. Then we'll focus on her report. I want to discuss her suggestions, see if her numbers are even in the ballpark, see what the others think. If we can get them on board, we can push the rehab, start work sooner than expected. And John, between you and me, I think our new hire is being underutilized."

"Exactly what I've been thinking since I read her report. Did you know she made an effort to turn this in before noon on Friday?"

"Definitely underutilized. So, what do you think we should do about that?"

"Well, as much as I hate to lose a good worker with a sharp mind, I think she might fit in better on the advanced team."

"Yeah, kinda what I was thinking as well. Have personnel pull her folder for me."

"Why? Looking for something in particular?"

"She doesn't have an accent, so she's not local. When Adams had introduced her at the club, I got the impression she'd just finished college and had moved here recently from Portland."

"Not following."

"If she was based west for college, she might be amenable to relocating back there. We've been wanting to expand west for some time. The advance team is stretched thin as it is, and no one is covering Washington, Oregon, or Idaho."

Collins blinked in surprise.

"You're not thinking of starting up a second advance team, are you?" he asked, shocked.

"No. She's too green yet to head up a team. I'd like her to get seasoned a bit. I'm thinking though that she might do a few days here and there as a kind of apprenticeship; go along with the advance team on a few junkets. She can learn firsthand what they do and how they do it while she still gets some in-house experience right here. I also talked with Morgan over the weekend, and he's already roughing out plans for a sister team based on the west coast, so getting her on board with this dovetails nicely."

"Fine. I'll let you know about the meeting."

* * *

-AS-

"Morning, Ana," Kelly chirped as she made her way to her desk.

"Morning, Kell. You seem awfully chipper for a Monday," I remarked.

"Feeling better after sleeping in my own bed. Hotel bed bothered my back – an old skiing injury that still haunts me. Hey, is something going on this morning?"

"Like what?"

"When I walked in I saw Collins in McConnell's office. They're usually early birds, but I don't recall them chatting first thing in the morning."

"Maybe they're talking about our trip. Did you turn in your report yet?"

"Emailed it last night. You?" Kelly slung her purse into a desk drawer, booted her pc.

"Um, I sent it on Friday. I wasn't sure how soon they wanted it."

Kelly chuckled. "Oh Ana, are you trying to make the rest of us look bad?"

"No! I didn't mean… I didn't know when we had to… Um…"

"Hey, it's okay. I'm sure they wanted the reports as soon as they could get them," Kelly replied with a twinkle in her eye. "Turning it in Friday was smart. I ended up worrying over mine all weekend."

My phone rang, startling me.

"This is Ana."

"Morning, Ana. Are you available for a 9am meeting?"

"Uh, sure Mr. Collins." A meeting with just me, not the group?

"Good. Conference room A at 9."

He hung up without a goodbye, prompting me to recall another _someone_ who frequently did the same thing. Sigh. Spent a lot of time over the weekend thinking about _him_. Elliot had asked the 'What does Ana want' question, and somehow that stuck in my head.

"Ana? Ana?"

"Hm? What?"

"I asked what you thought of the self-defense course on Saturday," Kelly smirked.

"That was quite a workout. Thanks for turning me on to it," I said, recalling how I'd had to take a hot soak to relax my overused muscles as soon as I'd gotten home. And that thought flashed me back to _his_ requirement of working out several days a week.

How could someone I barely knew, over the course of so little time, keep infiltrating my mind like this? I think I need some tea to clear the Monday cobwebs.

At 8:59am, I grabbed a copy of my report, a pad and pen, and made my way down to the conference room, my heart in my throat. It was obvious, when I'd stood up from my desk, that I was the only invitee of our group; could feel everyone's eyes on me as I headed down the hall. Mr. Collins walked in right behind me.

Dazzled. I think that's the most descriptive word I can use to describe myself at the moment. Walking back to my desk in an almost daze, I notice Kelly looking at me with a frown.

"Ana? Hey, are you okay?"

"Um, not sure," I reply, sitting behind my desk still awestruck.

"C'mon you," Kelly says, pulling me back to my feet. "Ladies room now."

The door closed behind us, and Kelly leaned down, glancing at the stalls.

"Okay, coast is clear. Now tell me what happened. You look like you just got run over."

"I think I did. Mr. Collins called me into that meeting about an hour ago. Found myself in front of Mr. McConnell, and a couple of people from sales, plus there was some guy named Matt from the advance team on the phone."

"Sheee-it! All the heavies! What did you do? They're not firing you are they? If that's what happened, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!"

"Whoa! Hold on. It wasn't like that. Actually, I think I got promoted."

That left her stunned and gaping. It was hilarious!

"Promoted?" she repeated, slowly.

"Yeah. I, uh, I guess they really liked my writeup from our mall trip. They were all over it, dissecting it in the meeting, asking me my thoughts, and where I'd gotten my ideas and all kinds of stuff. Anyway, long story short, they offered me a position as junior design consultant. I'll still mostly be here in the office, but will have to travel more, sometimes with the sales team, sometimes with the advance team, even spending some time with the architects."

"Holy Hobnobbers! Seriously?"

"I hope I'm not dreaming. This is still Monday, right?" I asked, still overwhelmed.

"Oh yeah, it's still Monday. Wow! That is just… wow! I'm so happy for you, Ana! This is a fantastic opportunity."

I studied her face, but there wasn't the slightest hint of jealousy. I smiled, thankful that she could be happy for me, and found myself squished in a hug.

"Oh, Ana, I knew you were talented. And I'm just glad that they're not just transferring you somewhere else. When you mentioned the advance team… well, they go all over the place!"

"Well, um, that might be where this is heading."

"What?" she said, suddenly crestfallen.

"Part of the plan is that they want to start up another sister site on the west coast, to cover states like Washington, Oregon and Idaho. Once they get the team up and running, and if I'm trained enough and things are working out, it's looking like I'll transfer out there. Oh Kelly, I'm sorry."

"No. No, don't be. I'm still happy for you, it just hurts a little more," she admitted, smiling crookedly. "We're all chasing our dreams, Ana. Gotta do what you gotta do to grab the brass ring."

"Well, depends on how things work out, maybe there'll be an opening on the new team and we can still chase our dreams together. Mr. Collins did tell me that he expects the new site to have a regular staff of around 10-20."

"Oh my God! Oh Jeez! My family would flip. We've always stayed close to home. I mean, generations of Carters have lived in Savannah."

"Well, just think about it. Besides, even if you did move, it wouldn't mean you couldn't come back. But the opportunities are going to be months down the road, so plenty of time to think."

"Again, wow! No wonder you looked so starstruck."

"I thought the word would be 'dazzled'."

"Yeah, that works too."

The rest of Monday was mostly a blur. Kelly and Jax dragged me out to lunch so we could talk about my promotion without it hitting 'gossip central'. Jax seemed a little cool about it, but still wished me the best. I figured she might have felt slighted as she'd been there over a year already, and here I was, the newbie, making waves.

That evening, I shared the good news with Carla and Bob over dinner. Carla was ecstatic, patting herself on the back for passing along her 'smart genes' to me. After helping with dishes, I talked to Ray and filled him in. He too was happy for me, and it felt really good to hear his voice. Actually, I thought he even sounded a bit choked up when I told him in a few months I might be back on the west coast. Of course, I didn't say anything about his reaction and neither did he – that's just the way we were.

After hanging up with Ray, I sighed, then dialed a number I knew by heart, hoping I could talk past this lump in my throat.

"Hello?" the uncertain voice answered, probably because she didn't know my new number.

"Hi Kate, it's Ana."

"OH MY GOD! ANA! YOU'RE ALIVE!" she screeched.

"Ow! My eardrums!" I mock complained.

"How are you? WHERE are you? Why haven't you called? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? WHAT HAPPENED?"

Jeez, I felt like I was facing a firing squad using sub-machine guns.

"Long story, Kate. I'm sorry but it was a really sudden decision. I needed to get the hell away from Portland, and couldn't go to Seattle."

"It's because of him, isn't it? What did Christian do, Ana? I swear, if he hurt you I'll rip his balls off and shove them so far down his throat that…"

"KATE! Stop! You know how intense he is. I just needed space. I'm here in Savannah, staying with Carla and Bob."

"You're in Georgia? Criminy, Steele! Most people that need a little space don't go a fraction of that far."

"Hey, they're my port in the storm. I don't have the trust fund that you do."

"I'm sorry. And you're right. Having the money available is such a part of my life I keep forgetting that's not how it works for you."

"All is forgiven. Seriously, I needed space from him. And I didn't call because, well, do you remember that night at the bar when I got really smashed? Christian tracked me there by my phone. I figured if he did it once, he might do it again, which is why I got a new phone and a new number, and also why I haven't called you before now."

"Wait a minute! So what's different that you are calling me?"

"He knows I'm here, Kate. He sent Elliot here last Thursday to talk to me."

"WHAT? AND HE DIDN'T TELL ME?"

"KATE! Dammit! He was here scoping out this building downtown that he's thinking of buying in order to rehab it. I think Christian put him up to talking to me while he was here. He showed me the building, had me crawling thru dust and dead bugs and all kinds of ick inside, checking on wiring and whatnot."

"Ewww! Better you than me, Steele. He took me to see some old factory he was thinking of turning into lofts. While we were walking through it I saw no less than, count them, FIVE RATS! Still gives me the shivers just thinking about it."

"Ugh! Thank God I didn't see any."

"So what did Elliot have to say?"

"That Christian misses me. He also gave me grief over not contacting you."

"Yeah, but now I understand why you didn't. So what's the plan, girlfriend? Is this just an extended visit, or what?"

"More like 'or what'. I'm staying with Carla and Bob at the moment, moved my stuff into their basement and I'm living in one of the guest rooms. I managed to get a job here too. I work in the creatives department for a large commercial realty outfit."

"Wow! Way to go!"

"It's kinda fun, actually. I work with a lot of really good people. And last week, I was in Austin Texas. The whole creatives team got sent there to look over this mall they want to refurb. We got to check out the local wildlife, eat at all kinds of different places, got to walk through this old tired mall, and it was up to us to come up with all kinds of creative new ideas for the refurb, things that would make it relevant again, have people wanting to spend time there.

"Actually, I kind of picked Elliot's brain while he was here. I showed him my writeup, and he made suggestions as to what I could do differently, even gave me a couple of his own ideas. Kate, he said that I should offer his company up as being willing to bid on the refurb work!"

"That's huge! Did you?"

"As a matter of fact, I turned in my report on Friday, and first thing this morning I got pulled into a meeting with the major players in the company. Turns out they liked the ideas in my writeup. So I told them about Elliot and his construction company, how he was looking to branch out and would be interested in doing the refurb. They kind of looked stunned at that. Anyway, the meeting ended up with them offering me a promotion!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! My new title is junior design consultant. I'm still going to be working here, with the same group, but I'm also going to be doing some traveling. It's kind of like an apprenticeship. I'll be working and learning on trips with the sales team, the advance team, and even working with the architects."

"I knew you could do it, Steele! See, I told you that 4.0 GPA would be good for something."

"You were so right, Kate. But I haven't told you the best part. Sometime this year, they want to start up a sister division to handle the west coast states, and they want me as part of it. Not quite sure where they're thinking of basing it yet, but hey, it'll be closer than Georgia."

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_"

"AAAAAH! Kate! My eardrums!" I laughed.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! So you'll eventually be moving back here?" she croaked, tears evident in her voice.

"I'm hoping so. It won't be for a while yet. Lots of stuff I need to learn."

"And what about Mr. Moneybags?"

"I… honestly, Kate, I don't know."

"Elliot told me he's been really messed up since you left. Heck, even I was messed up!"

"Again, I'm sorry I had to leave like that."

"One of these days we'll have to get together, maybe over a weekend, get drunk, and you can tell me what happened."

"We'll have to see how it goes. I can't make any promises, especially since I think this new job is going to have me hopping."

"Just one other thing. A real estate company? I thought you were focused on getting into publishing."

"Well, when I came here, I figured beggars couldn't be choosers, and I needed a job. Bob and Carla took me to dinner at the country club, and he made a few introductions, and I ended up with two job offers. One was being an office manager for an engineering firm, but that was kind of a dead end. This job with Arc Development seemed to have more room to move up the ladder. I just never imagined moving up this quick."

"I'm glad they see in you what I've always seen: you're smart, Ana. You just don't give yourself enough credit."

"Thanks, Kate. I miss you like crazy, and again, I'm sorry for bailing out on you so suddenly."

"I'm just glad to know that you're okay. Really had me worried for a while."

"Didn't mean to worry you. Just had to do what I had to do. Hey, it's getting late here. Call you on the weekend and we can talk more?"

"It's a date! Take care, Ana."

"You too, Kate."

I hung up, sighed. Same old Kate. Still probing for answers with all the delicacy of a jackhammer. Oh how I've missed talking with her.


End file.
